England weather the storm
Nineteen minutes before tea, Michael Clarke pivoted on his back foot and brutalised an Andrew Flintoff short ball to the mid-wicket boundary, moving Australia to a first innings lead. All day the hosts had tried to be jaunty as the Australian total grew. Andrew Strauss and his men grinned, whistled, joked – but it was like a kid saying 'Doesn't hurt! Doesn't hurt!' through clenched teeth while enduring a Chinese burn from the school bully.

Three quick wickets in the first session masked the pain inflicted by the visitors' 239-run second wicket stand. However when Clarke and Marcus North added more than a hundred in the middle session the locals' collective bottom lip started to quiver. The post-tea stanza loomed as the opportunity for the bully to flush his victim's head in the school toilet, but rain stalled proceedings for more than two hours and let England feign nonchalance again.

From here on in the key factor is out of both teams' control but the home side has had some incompletely-healed scars harshly regrooved.

Five things that struck us:

1. (Can't) Beat It
There is no substitute for old-fashioned intimidation. In the pre-lunch session, Andrew Flintoff had more hits than Michael Jackson. He smashed Simon Katich on the back, Mike Hussey on the bonce and Ricky Ponting in the liver. Each of them was out soon after. It might not matter if you're black or white – but it's no fun being black and blue.

2. Bye bye
As Oscar Wilde noted, to allow four byes off Paul Collingwood once is a misfortune; to do it twice in two balls makes you look like a dill. Matt Prior's response to eight byes off two medium-pace deliveries? To call for a helmet. Maybe wider pads and bigger gloves would have been better accessories.

3. Sing along
Stuart Broad may have had more luck with a fourth stump to aim at. Which is actually an observation purely designed to justify linking to this song by our favourite cricket-music combination since – well – since – actually, it's pretty hard to think any further back than Katherine Jenkins.

4. Top dog?
In the head-to-head canine stakes, Michael 'Pup' Clarke has taken an early lead on

Ravi 'Puppy' Bopara. The Australian's ultra-assured 83 puts him well ahead of the local run-hound's 35.

5. Grog omen
The VB logos on Australia's caps, chests and sleeves are not just a memento mori for Andrew Symonds, but also provide an unfortunate metaphor: while superficially the same product, VB has recently declined in strength. A bit like the Aussie team, according to the knockers. Also, wearing the logo could dent the team's popularity by a percentage point or two in the Top End.

Lost in commentary
Mike Atherton: "The thing is, Bumble, the boxes in those days were just not what they're made of now… yours didn't provide a lot of protection."

David Lloyd: "Totally inadequate for the job. I think they use them as soap holders these days."
- The boys reminisce about everyone's favourite Bumble yarn, when he was hit in the groin by Jeff Thomson, his box split, and 'what should have been inside was half outside'.
 
Useless stat of the day
Number of Test venues with names incorporating the word 'Gardens': 3.

(Of course we know you know them, but for the slow kids at the back, they are: Sophia Gardens [also known as SWALEC Stadium], Cardiff; Eden Gardens, Kolkata;
Lawrence Gardens [official name Bagh-e-Jinnah], Lahore.)

Ancient Tom Jones joke repurposed just because the Test happens to be in Wales

So Tom Jones is hanging out at Sophia Gardens, getting tips from Mikey Holding on how to deepen his baritone, and he starts talking cricket with one of the locals. "Monty Panesar just misfielded," Jones says. "Is that rare, Tom?" the local asks. The big man pauses a while. "It's not unusual."

Quality tweet
'Light lunch for me. Going for the grandslam of naans tonight - keema, peshwari, garlic and plain.' – 'Bumble' Lloyd keeps us updated.

Umpire watch
Straightforward day for the overseers. Rain delay provided time to rearrange their names. Aleem Dar is an anagram of Drama Eel. Billy Doctrove is Voiced By Troll. And the TV ump, Richard Kettleborough, should be proud to be A Thoroughbred Tickler.

How I saw it: The late, great Mrs Slocombe
"Ooh Captain Peacock, those vile Australians who call 'emselves The Fanatics, I've heard they make crude advances to helpless women in the crowd. But I'm not quite so certain, because I walked past them five times this afternoon and never heard a word. Anyway, by the time I got home, maih pussy needed more stroking than Andrew Strauss's chin. What's that, St Peter? Oh yes – I'm free."

Quote of the day
"He's more accurate than Broad."
– Nasser Hussain on Flintoff. Freddie then runs in, bowls… and the keeper takes it while moving past second slip.