Out with the old Lance

29 July 2009 | 0:00 - By The Broom Wagon

Danish chickens and bloodless Kazakhs are not the future, the sport needs to look ahead to a time when it won't have Lance to kick around anymore, writes Matthew Price.

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Michael Rasmussen after finishing second the Designa Grand Prix in Denmark (AAP)

Late last year, the story goes, Christian Prudhomme met with Lance Armstrong in an Alpine restaurant. Prudhomme was about to explain to Armstrong why the ASO wouldn't welcome him back to the Tour.

As they were exchanging awkward pleasantries, probably sipping some manner of aperitif, a fan came over to greet Armstrong. Then another asked for his autograph.

Before long the restaurant was heaving with Armstrong fans and Prudhomme had realised that Lance plus the Tour equals bathtubs of rolled Cuban finest and a shiny new double-car garage on the Prudhomme family home.

Say what you will about him, as Anthony Tan argues here, Armstrong generates massive public interest. But, unless new sponsor RadioShack has plans beyond the wildest dreams of your average Spiderman villain, he remains only human, and at 37 won't be around for much longer.

Clearly, the Tour needs a contingency plan. It needs a new Armstrong: a figure unafraid of controversy, who will tell it like it is. Someone able to connect with the ordinary folk, bridge the Atlantic divide and importantly, won't be busy in 2011.

M. Prudhomme, if you are reading this – and we are going to assume that you are – act now and get Sarah Palin on a bike.

Careful now

Around the time on Saturday Andy Schleck realised he was going to have to attach a rope to get Frank up the Mont Ventoux, Michael Rasmussen became a competitive cyclist again.

Rasmussen was banned for two years after emulating several Amazing Race contestants in confusing Mexico with Italy (in his defence, unlike a team in this year's Amazing Race he did not attempt to use Spanish in Switzerland).

Like David Millar before him, he rejoins cycling a reformed man, vowing to ride clean and fight dop.... oh, hang on.

Actually, Rasmussen is busy arguing something called the 'Riders' commitment to a new cycling'. In signing the pledge, he agreed to pay a fine equivalent to his annual salary if he was ever caught and suspended.

Suddenly to Rasmussen and his bank manager, that now seems as clever an idea as burying the Tourmalet 70km from a stage finish, immediately before a week of racing so turgid that the Broom Wagon twice stayed up for weather watch just to cheer itself up a little.

So like any honest fellow, and Alexander Vinokourov, who has done the same thing, Rasmussen has appealed to the Court of Arbitration for Sport. The court hasn't yet made a decision, leaving cycling's governing body to exclude the riders voice its outrage in the strongest possible terms. Which reminds us for some reason of this.

Vort gamle Danmark skal bestå

The Broom Wagon very much enjoyed Sunday's accidental playing of the Danish anthem in Alberto Contador's honour. Not because we have anything against Contador being given his due, but more because we are in favour of anything that rouses Spanish newspaper Marca to call the playing "an unforgivable mistake" and, presumably, stamp around the newsroom throwing gloves and demanding that it have its satisfaction.

The episode also piqued our interest in the Danes' national tune. And it turns out it is quite a lovely dirge, especially if, like the Broom Wagon, you have always wondered what would happen if the Qantas children's choir grew up and bred with the Corrs.

We were particularly struck by the Wikipedia translation of the closing line, which comes after the rarely-sung verse about the Vikings feasting on the skulls of their foes:

Strong men and noble women still / uphold their country's honour

Lie back, good Danes, and think of Michael.

Leftover Tour anagrams

Cadel Evans: dance slave

Andy Schleck: lacked synch

Mark Cavendish: carved ham skin

George Hincapie: Egg hairpiece on

Dispatches from the twit frontier

When he says he missed Paul Kimmage's happy little face and, presumably, his regular questions about doping, @bradwiggins' tongue just might be in cheek.

@taylorphinney loves Britain! And Twitter! And (probably) the Jonas Brothers (or whatever kids his age are into)!

The Tour is over and @PaulSherwen's African proverbs are back. We think this one is about the time he hitched a ride with the Broom Wagon.

@johanbruyneel has a proverb of his own. Surely he can't be referring to any rider in particular?

There may be no 'I' in team, but @lancearmstrong thinks he has found one in 'Pistolero'.

Twelve Tour wins, one table, two enormous glasses of red.

Classic YouTube

Sunday Times journalist, former rider and Rough Ride author Paul Kimmage asks Lance Armstrong about unrepentant dopers. The response is not so much frosty as just back from 15 days in the Antarctic having picked up a cold and had its luggage stolen.


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06 Aug 2009 9:23 AEST

Ben

From: Lithgow

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There you go, I missed that. That really is daft, Americans I guess and more importantly the flight attendants would be the team I'd imagine doing that. Must be a blond thing

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05 Aug 2009 13:41 AEST

Matthew Price

From: Melbourne

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Hi Ben - re Amazing Race, in ep 1 the flight attendants hop into a Swiss cab shouting 'mucho importante'. If foreigners don't speak English, apparently Spanish is the next best bet. I seem to remember a couple of teams in past series telling Indian rickshaw drivers 'muy rapido' ...

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04 Aug 2009 19:41 AEST

Julian

From: Brisbane

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in this tour of 2009 at this time there was 1 doping offender court. with the tests that they have now with the blood banks and so forth eventually it will be Nil. but the governing body has to give more stringent penalties eg life bans for confirmed cases, that is to say that it is undisputed and there is a performance enhancing drug involved. in such cases as blood transfusion, which is detectable and is proven science should be the same penalty. there are constant changes in the tests which mirror the constant changes in drugs that can be used and i think cycling is the most tested sport on the planet, and on that note we all have to be aware that the media has a lot to do with that. i want a clean race as much as everyone in the peloton but until the start showing the if your court with you hand in the cookie jar and give a descent time not fine that the up and coming young guy's into our sport will not be swayed into disarray.

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30 Jul 2009 17:42 AEST

Ben

From: Lithgow

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Funny stuff. Sarah Palin on a bike. It's possible given she resigned as Alaskan governor a few days back but she's a bit vintage like Lance. Also the Amazing Race, nice analogy, but I've already seen all of season 14 (I watched the entire season twice) and I am quite confidant nobody attempted to speak Spanish in Switzerland. Additionally to my best knowledge no teams have spanish ancestry or fluency in Spanish. It would be different if you mentioned Mandarin. On a serious note Rasmussen's case is different than Vino's. Vino tested positive, Rasmussen didn't, he was merely excluded mid-race by his team. An action that Rabobank paid for dearly in the courts when Rasmussen successfully sued. I'm thinking the UCI won't get a cent from him but they may from Vino. These two are fortunate contracts resembling Katusha's didn't exist. I read a few months back that if you're busted the fine is five times your annual salary! Nasty stuff. Paul Kimmage and Lance's response...well Lance didn't specify what evidence was in Floyd's favour, he just stated there was evidence. But no shock there, Phil Liggett believes he's innocent as well. The accepted ratio for testoerone doping is 4:1, Floyd came in @ 11:1. The science was against him. To the blank writer, you have no idea how close to home you probably are. I don't have faith that the UCI would do the right thing and reveal the truth given there is substantial evidence to question their professional integrity in past doping incidents. Money and glory appears to be the prime motivator to most parties. There appears to be one rule for certain sportsmen and one for others and asking for balance is pointless. One may as well try asking for the leprechauns pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

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30 Jul 2009 15:15 AEST

Richard

From: Adelaide

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Can i ask why this was even brought up its old news? Paul Kimmage isnt a hack reporter, i dont agree with his tactics more because i dont think there effective than anything. Remmeber that this was after Lance had made a public statement in support of Landis, i think the question should have been put to him, seeing as Landis did so much to damage the image of the sport (not so much getting busted but all that came after). Cycling has a after Lance plan its called Alberto, Andy, Gesink, etc. no one will have the pull Armstrong has but thats because his story is so unlikely it grabs attention.

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30 Jul 2009 10:44 AEST

Matt C

From: Redfern

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Why Kimmage doesn't like Lance. Good reading. http://nyvelocity.com/content/interviews/2009/paul-kimmage

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30 Jul 2009 2:11 AEST

-

From: -

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Admire does not mean look up to.. And what is 'say what you will about him... Armstrong generates massive public interest', supposed to mean? Is attracting public interest something that should be admired? Is that a 'quality' a cyclist should have? All sorts of things attract public interest, most of them, unfortunately, trashy and stupid (tells a lot about us)... Not suggesting that Armstrong is either, the comment however... It was rather funny watching the commentators talk after the race about Armstrong's prospects for next year. Guys, he tried as hard as he could and he barely got third, and that was mainly because he had the support of the team (more so than Contador, especially early on). He has no chance of wining next year, and the idea that anyone serious could think that he does is ridiculous. Oh and the doping controversy... what can I say, what impact would it have on cycling if it was revealed that a multiple Tour de France winner cheated (provided that he did)? Would the authorities really reveal it, even if he did? Not so sure that they would...

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29 Jul 2009 22:37 AEST

Dave

From: Melbourne

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I think it sounded like Paul the journo was trying to put words in Lance's mouth with the question - Lance said he welcomed Ivan and Floyd back, but Paul tries to change this into "what do you admire about these guys?"- there's a big difference between saying you welcome someone and you actually look up to someone. IMO he's a dodgy journo looking to stir people up and create controversy to have something to write about. Same thing with saying "the cancer is back" - yeah he's insinuating Lance used to dope and that doping is now coming back with him - the problem is (apart from that being a really old story which we shouldn't worry about now due to the level of testing he's put through), he's making this suggestion by creating a metaphor that uses Lance's charity as a prop - but it's a very noble charity. Paul is so out of line it's almost funny. But he's a hack journo so what do we expect.

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29 Jul 2009 17:26 AEST

Sam

From: Perth

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Lance tries to make out that Paul is talking about the actual disease RE; LANCE RAILS AGAINST BRITISH REPORTER. When even lance knows that paul is talking about doping. He never really answered the question. I would say if i were lance that i don't admire these people who have doped, they have made bad choices. That would make Lance look a little bit innocent and that he is against doping. Lance has never said that he opposes doping. He always beats around the bush when asked that.

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29 Jul 2009 16:51 AEST

CERA

From: Leone

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Funny stuff - yet again! I will eat my chapeau if Lance (even with the so called fuel of Contador revenge so many are saying he will have) podiums again next year. he'll be too tired from a) age b) the triathlons the TRS press release says he'll be doing.

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