Warning! Warning!

This is written on Australia Day, the dinki-di, you beaut, ripper Rita, pie and sauce, Holden car, megabarbie that's heaps good.

The very same Australia Day that, in the face of attempts to whip up Fanatics-induced "national pride" (you know the type) will see Andy Murray, a Brit, headline the Australian Open tennis tournament currently being played out in Melbourne.

Oh, the humanity.

But don't panic, a Brit being named Australia Day's main event is all good while Britain's flag tops our nation's own, headed by a poll from a credible news organisation with supposedly intelligent readers that suggests locals are overwhelming in favour of keeping that arrangement and design.

It's 2010, you say?

Must be time to revisit the idea of Australia finally becoming a republic.

Yeah. Nah. Yeah. It's all good. So why bother?

But I digress. Where was I?

Oh, yeah. TENNIS.

January 26, 2010, is officially one day after the last remaining Australians were eliminated from the Aussie Open.

There was no hint of Gallipoli spirit from Lleyton Hewitt or Samantha Stosur - "our" best hopes for... whatever.

Instead, we got Roger Federer and Serena Williams, the sport's number one players, quietly, elegantly, and effectively crushing all life (or at least the Australian version) beneath them.

The plan had been for the nation to wake up and celebrate "Leyts" (we call him "Leyts", don't we?) or "Sammy" having overturned the natural order of things, the form book, and common sense with a brave win over either Federer or Williams.

But, alas.

The closest we got to the days of decent Australian tennis was watching a match played in an arena named after an Aussie from a never-to-be repeated era of worldwide tennis dominance (That's Rod Laver, if you were asking).

''I'm sorry, guys,'' Serena said, apologising to the local crowd and TV audience after her match with Stosur. ''Maybe next time.''

But the Williams sister was just being polite.

It is the tournament's promoters and lapdog media that should apologise for even pretending Hewitt, past his prime, and the big-serving Stosur had much more than an occasional chant by the Fanatics going in their favour.

In reality, Australian tennis and its individual stars are currently just about where they deserve to be, when all things are considered.

That's not bad occasionally, very good every now and then, but mostly just OK.

But unfortunately expectation goes on walkabout when the green and gold goggles are being worn, which turns out is every year, about this time, and especially in Melbourne.

Now, where did I put my beer?

Let's go Feds!

(Is "Aussie" Ana Ivanovic still in this tournament?).