Two is the number of fingers Mark Cavendish brandished while crossing the line at the Tour de Romandie overnight.

The Manx sprinter had his grumpy face on, but what could the V-sign gesture mean? Was it Cav's contribution to the hot new sporting trend begun by Collingwood coach Mick Malthouse of inappropriately referencing Winston Churchill?

Or did the two fingers stand for Cav's total number of wins so far this year?

All was revealed at the post-race media conference, where Cavendish – embarrassingly forgetting that he was actually talking to journalists and commentators – explained the gesture was directed at "journalists and commentators who know jack shit about cycling."

Certainly coincidentally, because chief sports writer and ex-rider Paul Kimmage knows plenty about cycling, Cavendish gave a two-hour interview this week to the Sunday Times.

Among other things, Cavendish revealed that the dental problems that wrecked his start to the season were entirely self-imposed.

Cavendish travelled to Paraguay with former Miss Italy in the World Fiorella Migliore for cosmetic surgery – to fix a smile which Kimmage cheerfully described as "like bombed houses".

Advised to stay off the bike for several days following the surgery, Cavendish instead went for a four-hour ride the next day, causing his gums to bleed and then become infected.

“My saliva glands were like grapes,” Cavendish said of the three-week layoff that followed. “My palate was massive. I couldn’t shut my mouth. I couldn’t eat. It was pushing up my tongue and I couldn’t breathe ... I had diarrhoea. I couldn’t eat. I was lying in my bed for days and ... lost so much muscle that it knocked me right back. If I could turn back time, I would stick with my teeth."

On the one hand, wanting to revert to teeth which moved a Times reporter to images of post-war Coventry is reason enough for any man to be angry. On the other hand, Fiorella Migliore.

How to dance so Cuban

Two is also the number of Schlecks missing from the Giro d'Italia after Saxo Bank announced a team as bereft of recognisable names as Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights.

But even a sequel without Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey, plot or anybody putting baby in a corner has its upside – massively so if you are imdb.com reviewer Soccer_800 and watch the film most nights because it has "everything and more that I like to see in a movie" and you "would pay to learn how to dance so Cuban!"

Besides the Schleck brothers, Saxo Bank is travelling to Holland for next Saturday's Giro start without Fabian Cancellara, Stuart O'Grady, Jens Voigt and Dwars door Vlaanderen winner Matti Breschel.

The team's last remaining shout at general classification disappeared when climber Chris Anker Sorensen broke his collarbone. The upside in this case is that two Aussies are along for the ride – one of them Richie Porte, who will make his grand tour debut.

The Tasmanian found his way to road cycling in a fashionably roundabout way. Like Lance Armstrong, who also won't be at the Giro, he started out in triathlons, only making his way onto the road at the ripe age of 21.

"I would love to be able to fight for a stage win somewhere but realistically I will be going there to improve as a bike rider," Porte said. "I know I will be suffering in the latter part of the race."

For every viewer except Soccer_800, suffering in the latter stages is what makes the Giro the exact sporting equivalent of Havana Nights.

Dispatches from the Twitterverse

@iamtedking's basil plant looks exactly like him.

World champ; outright Giro favourite with no Contador, Schleck(s) or Armstrong; and having won Fleche Wallonne without being accused of criminal littering... could life get any sweeter for @CadelOfficial? Yes.

Morrisey called belt-wielding headmasters belligerent ghouls. @RobbieHunter remembers his schoolday beatings more fondly

@lancearmstrong outs himself as a Broom Wagon reader

After Alexandre Vinokourov joins Davide Rebellin, Danilo di Luca, Tyler Hamilton and Alejandro Valverde as recent winners of Liege-Bastogne-Liege, @taylorphinney makes his feelings clear

A London flat enjoys a rare 24 hours alone with @simongerrans

Classic YouTube

Before he stopped winning in cyclo-cross and MTB and began winning on the road, 20-year-old Liquigas upstart Peter Sagan was the terror of Bratislava