Bonjour! It's the time of the year when we all get to dust off our high school textbooks and refer to all sorts of things in our best Gabriel Gaté accents.

Parcours, la tête de la course, les poursuivants, la grande boucle (the big, erm, belt?) ... if you can't irritate your loved ones between now and July 24 by dropping these into breakfast-time conversation, Le Voiture Balai would suggest you're not really trying.

It's essentially three glorious weeks on the set of 'Allo 'Allo, if you take out the bits with Gestapo officers dressed up as French peasant women. Which, come to think about it, was pretty much all of 'Allo 'Allo.

The Circus Maximus

Thumbs up to the Tour organisers for holding Thursday's race presentation in a French theme park decked out like the Colosseum, circa 200 AD.

Alberto Contador would have been particularly chuffed.

Not only did the setting permit round-the-stadium booing and whistling of the three-time champion, but the way Saxo Bank were lined up in the centre of the arena gave the impression Contador was about to face execution by firing squad.

"It's not up to the people to decide," said Frank Schleck*, issuing a hasty reminder before the Emperor Nero could notice the booing and have Contador devoured by lions.

Contador, who faces a ban and being stripped of recent titles if the Court of Arbitration for Sport rules against him in August, couldn't believe there was any controversy at all about his involvement in this year's race. He has been cleared by his national federation after a tweet from the Prime Minister and everything.

"From the beginning of the season I've been the rider who's had the most doping tests, and I've been tested in all the races I've been in," he said, making use of the increasingly shop-worn Marion Jones fallacy.

"The idea victory could be taken away if I win, I just find ridiculous."

The wounded pride of the Pistolero aside, the rest of the presentation ceremony went very well. Someone finally got Thor Hushovd into a girly wig and gave him a hammer. Cadel Evans' BMC Racing team managed not to fall off the back of their pick-up truck. Euskaltel-Euskadi survived the jousting.

And the Tour's new theme carries a lot of exciting potential. Imagine the bonus thrill of watching, say, Sammy Sanchez choose to forego Sunday's team time trial, in which Euskaltel-Euskadi will again reliably get slaughtered, in place of a duel against a man with a net and a trident. Or seeing Frank and Andy Schleck, Stuart O'Grady and the other members of Leopard Trek chased around the high country by an actual, real-life leopard.

That would really liven things up on l'Alpe d-Huez.

*Here Schleck is citing the longstanding tradition whereby athletes and those who administer sport can do what they please and the punters have to sit there and like it.

Buzz Aldrin punch to the face coming up in three, two, one ...

Dinner table discussion @leopardtrek.... Is the moon landing true....!!?? There are meany opinions about a big hugh lie. Is it true.?? - @f_cancellara

@f_cancellara its true dude. USA not Swiss baby. - @ChristianVDV

@ChristianVDV sorry buddy but that doesn' t do it for us. thats not good enough - @schleckfrank





Further dispatches from the Twitterverse

Arrived in West France, Just saw Bob Roll ride past on hired bike with bag of wine on handlebars. We're all set! - @PhilLiggett

TdF briefing normally a chance to grab an hours kip, not this year. In a garden centre on fold out chairs #cutbacks - @bradwiggins

Bless my Ma, she said, "well darling, if it's too hard, just take a day off & then race the next day". #giro - @Bridie_OD

Classic TourTube

1962 was Raymond Poulidor's first Tour de France. The Frenchman went on to become one of sport's most famous runners-up, finishing second three times and climbing the podium six times despite. That he never won or once wore yellow is all the more remarkable when you watch him take a stage win like this.