Ever been to an amateur film festival or a film schools graduation night? Now you don't need to as comedian Martin Dunlop has laid out exactly what it'll be in it. Every time.
By
Martin Dunlop

19 Aug 2014 - 1:56 PM  UPDATED 19 Aug 2014 - 1:56 PM

Come down this Friday to Hurler Bar, Hoppers Crossing, to see this years great line-up of first year films from students of our prestigious media/editing/classical guitar course.

 

List of Films

 

The Bluff

 

Film about a kindly old man remembering his youth through photographs, performed by creepy middle aged StarNow burnout who freaked the students out during the filming by repeatedly demanding to be paid early.

 

The Bet

 

Two hitmen have a dead body in the trunk of a car. But is it really dead? (It isn’t, but then it is)

 

The Interview

 

Crime drama set in an interrogation room. Every character is performed by a young man with metal hair and beard. Even the police,

 

The Circle

 

Looper in someone's parents’ backyard,

 

The Scratching

 

Ghost story set in a dark house, lit only by five glaring redhead matches at all times.

 

Mum

 

It’s about the death of student’s mum so you can't criticise it.

 

Pizza(hey)

 

Intentionally and absolutely unwatchable piece of shit from dickheads who won't shut up about Tim and Eric.

 

The Journey

 

Immigrant story written by and starring white people except for one Spanish exchange student pretending to be aboriginal.

 

Dreaming

 

Footage of trees and lakes with the automatic gain and focus turned on.

 

Mates

 

Four friends live in a sharehouse.

 

The Eagles Talon

 

"Kung-fu" movie that is just one still single shot of the muscle-bound director genuinely kicking the shit out of his 12 year old brother in his bedroom. At the end, the child lies motionless on the floor.

 

Politeness

A dinner party featuring 20-year-olds pretending to be 25-year-olds having a dinner party like 25-year-olds don’t, and it turns out they’re cannibals. One of the couples has the surname Abbott.

 

Surf’s-Up

 

Surfing story about a surfer. Director broke up with said surfer halfway through the shoot, so the ending of the film is just celluloid scored angrily with nail-scissors.

 

Hotel For Dogs

 

A student submitted a DVD of Hotel For Dogs.

 

The Choice

 

He was dead all along.

 

The River

 

He was dead all along.

 

The Storm

 

She was dead all along.

 

The Wait

 

You were dead all along.

 

 

Please stick around after the screening for one (1) beer or one (1) glass of house wine (as allotted by media department funding) before breaking out your wallet to buy eight (8) rum and cokes and being sick in one (1) taxi.

 

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