The past few weeks seems to have featured gaffe after gaffe from our political leaders and headline after headline covering them from the media. Rather than dwelling on the past SBS Comedy looks ahead to report the headlines we could easily be seeing in our papers in the near future...
By
James Colley

21 Aug 2014 - 10:54 AM  UPDATED 21 Aug 2014 - 1:59 PM

Australian Politics is caught in a vicious gaffe cycle. Over the last few weeks we’ve heard that the poor don’t drive cars, Chinese people are mongrels, abortions lead to breast cancer and that Australia is open for business. All embarrassingly incorrect. In such a wild and unpredictable environment it’s hard to know what the next bizarre gaffe is going to be.

That’s where we come in. We’ve compiled a list of possible future headlines so you can beat the rush and be outraged now. While we can’t guarantee that everything in this list will happen, you can’t guarantee none of them will.

 

JOE HOCKEY CAUGHT IN DISABLED PARKING SPOT, ON DISABLED PERSON.

 

 

OPPOSITION LEADER BILL SHORTEN GETS TIE STUCK IN DESK, ALMOST STARVES IN OFFICE.

 

FRESH PHOTOS EMERGE OF GREENS MP ADAM BANDT PUNCHING A KOALA

 

 

ATTORNEY GENERAL GEORGE BRANDIS DENIES USING METADATA RETENTION SCHEME TO SEE IF EX-GIRLFRIEND CHECKS HIS FACEBOOK PAGE MORE THAN HE CHECKS HERS

 

 

PALMER CALLS ON CHINESE GOVERNMENT TO ‘NAME A CHAMPION FOR ONE-ON-ONE COMBAT’

 

 

BILLY HEFFERNAN REFUSING TO APOLOGISE FOR SNEAKING AN ARMOURED PERSONNEL CARRIER INTO QUESTION TIME

 

 

PENNY WONG LAUNCHES BIPARTISAN TIRADE ON SENATE FLOOR, CLAIMS SHE TIRES OF BEING ‘SURROUNDED BY FUCKWITS’

 

 

CHRIS PYNE REFUSING TO RESIGN AFTER BITING ALBANESE: ‘HE DESERVED IT AND WAS DELICIOUS’

 

JACQUI LAMBIE REFUSES TO APOLOGISE FOR LIST OF MPs WHO MOST RESEMBLE TESTICLES

 

 

JOE HOCKEY COMPLETES UNCOMMISSIONED SCIENTIFIC STUDY, CONCLUDES POOR PEOPLE ‘DRIVE, EAT AND BLEED’

 

CRISIS TALKS ENTER DAY 33 AS CHRISTINE MILNE REFUSES TO GET OUT OF TREE ON PARLIAMENT LAWNS

 

FRED NILE ATTEMPTS TO PROVE SLIPPERY SLOPE ARGUMENT BY MARRYING FAMILY DOG.

 

MOTORING ENTHUSIAST PARTY MEMBER RICKY MUIR RESIGNS FOLLOWING COMMENTS THAT ‘CARS SUCK’ AND ‘UNICYCLES ARE THE FUTURE’

 

 

SARAH HANSON-YOUNG REFUSING TO APOLOGISE FOR TUNNELING INTO MANUS ISLAND DETENTION FACILITY: 'IT WAS THE ONLY WAY TO GET JOURNALISTS IN'

 

TURNBULL UNDER FIRE FOR RESPONDING TO NBN CRITICISM BY THREATENING TO 'SHUT THE WHOLE DAMN INTERNET DOWN SO NO ONE CAN HAVE IT'

 

 

Whether all or just some of these will come true is still to be seen. The only thing we know for certain is there will definitely be just enough of these silly little gaffes to ensure we will never have to focus on the important issues even for a second. What a relief!

 

 

For all the latest comedy articles, videos and updates at SBS Comedy like us on Facebook and Twitter

Follow James on Twitter

More From SBS Comedy: