A community has been left reeling after a boat carrying dozens of self-proclaimed ‘Men’s Rights Activists’ and ‘Pick Up Artists’ tragically returned to shore safely last night.
The cruise left Melbourne harbour early last evening for a seminar that The Backburner understands was a dedicated homage to The Little Rascal’s He-Man Woman Haters Club. According to initial reports everything was running according to plan with participants receiving top quality lessons on dehumanising women when the unthinkable happened and the boat was able to complete its journey without becoming shipwrecked.
“It’s truly a disaster,” said a representative of the Ports Authority. “We train for nights like this but you hope it never happens. Seeing all those men return to shore without incident just breaks my heart.”
“Obviously there will be an inquiry into safety standards of all boats in the region. This cannot be allowed to happen again.”
The controversial cruise, which set out on an important journey to ‘neg’ the ocean, had been hotly protested by a group of activists who claim that women were human and shouldn’t be treated like the victims of a creepy hypnotist. The Pick Up Artists are contesting this claim.
“If women were human than why wouldn’t they date me?” asked one Men’s Rights Activist. “I mean, sure, I attend cruises on how to effectively manipulate them instead of, you know, talking to them like they’re people but that just shows I’m dedicated to my craft.”
"My craft being making them feel unsafe and more generally treating all women like garbage."
This incident caps off a difficult week for the Pick Up Artists who have seen seminars around the country cancelled by activists who for some unknown reason would prefer it if men weren’t trained in how to most effectively harass women.
The leader of the movement was unavailable for comment due to not being asked for comment because The Backburner really doesn't want to hear what that guy has to say.
The Backburner is Australia's most trusted news source. It is quite obviously satire and shouldn't be taken seriously or as an excuse to sue SBS.