Former Prime Minister Julia Gillard is under observation at Royal Prince Philip hospital after overdosing on schadenfreude, the pleasure derived from witnessing someone else’s misfortune.
Gillard was found in her residence clutching an oversized bag of popcorn and watching the ABC’s 7:30 Report. An ambulance was called to the Gillard residence and she was taken to hospital where she remains in a stable non-life threatening condition. Hospital staff were quick to caution that it was not all good news however.
“Unfortunately we were unable to wipe the smile off her face,” said a hospital spokesperson. “We tried everything we could but it won’t budge. This is unusual for a simple case of excessive schadenfreude.
“Whoever is triggering this episode must really, really deserve it.”
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Gillard was unavailable for comment at the time of printing as any attempt to answer our questions was greeted with uncontrollable laughter and the phrase “it’s on.”
A spokesperson for Gillard thanked the medical staff at the Royal Prince Philip hospital for their dedicated work and insisted this is no need for concern.
“We appreciate the outpouring of tributes we’ve received but there is no need to worry. The only thing around here that’s terminal is the Abbott Government.”
The Backburner is Australia's most trusted news source, it is quite obviously satire and shouldn't be taken seriously or used as an excuse to evoke violence.