A spokesperson for Australian Homeopathic Association has released a statement today conceding that they are “baffled” by the concept of cordial.
Homeopathy, an alternative medicine practice dating back to the 18th century, operates under the principle that water holds “memory” and that a substance will increase in efficacy as it is diluted in solution. Cordial, a sweet syrup used to make flavoured drinks with added water, operates under the principle that as you add more water to it, it gets less good.
“It just doesn’t add up,” says AHA spokesperson James Douglas, “the more water you put in, the more it tastes like water, at 1 part cordial to 10,000 parts water, it tastes indistinguishable from water and nothing like the ‘super cordial’ we anticipated.”
“Something like this flies in the face of our research, we’ve conducted tens of experiments under kind of okayish conditions and once or twice almost demonstrated that homeopathy definitely, definitely works.”
“Sure, perhaps we can’t independently verify it but what’s science about if not blind faith?”
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The statement follows a conclusive report published by the National Health and Medical Research Council on Wednesday that there is no reliable evidence to support any claims that homeopathy is effective. This was quite a blow to the homeopathy community as even a tiny shred of supporting evidence would have been, in theory, incredibly effective.
The report has provoked outrage outrage from practicing homeopaths who feel it as missed several “key aspects” of homeopathy: “Sure, they have their facts and their figures and their university degrees and their peer review and their laboratory equipment and their test cases and their scientific rigour but I mean homeopathy just sort of, like, feels right, y’know?
“Besides, if we let a lack of evidence bother us we would’ve stopped this a long time ago.”