The Backburner

29 Dec 2015 - 10:38 AM  UPDATED 29 Dec 2015 - 10:38 AM

The Turnbull Government has confirmed it will not be providing the funding for the final two years of the Gonski agreement saying that it became aware that this money was being wasted on the future of Australian children.


Reports indicate the Government became outraged when initial feedback revealed schools had been planning to spend Gonski funding on educational materials, teaching facilities and new construction instead of the initial plans to make sure the P&C fete is really off the hook.


The Turnbull Government has proposed renegotiation to take place as Gonski funding was originally planned to begin, declaring it time to reevaluate our expectations on education.


“We need to reexamine this agreement in great detail,” said Minister for Education Simon Birmingham. “We’re concerned that a lot of this funding is going towards the education of children that we’ve already pretty much written off. There are some real dead-end kids out there and our figures indicate it’s much cheaper to just forget about them.


“We need to make savings and the bloated and ritzy public education system is clearly the place to start. It’s time we stopped pouring money into schools that just spend it all on textbooks like a big bunch of nerds.


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“The last thing we want to do is overfund education. We’re already being bankrupted by those fat-cat teachers rolling up to the classroom door in their BMWs, sitting in the plush leather chairs and forcing the Education Robot to do all the actually teaching as they blow cigar smoke in the faces of the children.


“This is a comprehensive plan. The removal of the funding will coincide with a reassessment of the potential of the youth. We’ll be advising young Australians to dream smaller and more attainable dreams. Perhaps ones they can fund themselves. We need to stop telling kids that the sky is the limit and start telling them that their credit limit is the limit.”


Prime Minister Turnbull has dismissed criticism that the Coalition is reneging on a made deal as ‘childish’.


“We never made a deal with these schools,” said Turnbull. “That deal was with the previous leadership. We also didn’t keep our deal of letting him continue to be leader so why should this be any different? We’re going to negotiate a new deal and that’s the one that will stand unless I’m removed from office somehow or just don’t feel like honouring it anymore.”





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