After Adele won the Grammy for Album of the Year, many people were convinced that it should have been Beyoncé instead. But not Carlos Santana, who said that he didn't think Beyoncé is really a great singer. Comedian Nayuka Gorrie looks at some other things Santana must think are average.
By
Nayuka Gorrie

17 Feb 2017 - 1:23 PM  UPDATED 17 Feb 2017 - 1:26 PM

Sometimes in the still quiet moments of a dark night I wonder where Carlos Santana is. Is he still mates with Rob Thomas, and do his fingers ever chafe from excessive strumming? So I was relieved when he bravely came out this week to reveal exactly why Beyoncé was snubbed at the Grammys. When wondering why Adele controversially won the Grammy for Album of the Year over Lemonade, your mind might have wandered to the institution being a little male, pale and stale, but egg would be on your face if so!

 

As Santana has revealed, contrary to popular belief, it was actually because Beyonce can’t sing, and that is why she didn’t win. Duh!

 

It made me wonder, what other things suck according to Santana?

 

Penicillin

 

Scottish gronk Alexander Fleming should have kept his germs to himself. Penicillin is made from bacteria and bacteria is bad and gross.

 

Public Holidays

 

However you spend a public holiday; whether getting paid to not do stuff and relaxing, or getting paid double what you normally get paid to do stuff, it is objectively not a great time and an idle mind is the devils playground.

 

Carbs

 

Potato and rice have never made a meal better. There is nothing carbs can do that shredded cauliflower cant.

 

Orgasms

 

Orgasms can be messy, and feeling good is weird and unnecessary. No thank you.  

 

Puppies

 

Small adorable mammals that can barely fend for themselves? Ew.

 

Water

 

You have to drink it for the rest of your life and your body just gets rid of it anyway. Why bother?

 

The Internet

 

Memes are frivolous. Wifi is excessive. Faxes are way better. Beepers are good too.

 

The new iPhone 7 camera

The depth of field is intense and you can see everyone’s pimples and blackheads too clearly.

 

 

 


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