One Nation senator Malcolm Roberts has, once again, managed to make the news, this time over comments that some women think being wolf-whistled at is a compliment. Comedian Bish Marzook thinks he's absolutely right and that there's a whole bunch of other things that, despite appearing horrible and sexist on the surface, he might also be right about being a compliment to the women they're targeted to.
By
Bish Marzook

21 Mar 2017 - 1:08 PM  UPDATED 21 Mar 2017 - 1:08 PM

MEN PLEASE STOP READING RIGHT NOW !!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ladies, hi. Now that it’s just us second-class citizens here, it’s time to come clean. There’s no use acting outraged or offended, because at the end of the day, Malcolm Roberts was right.

 

Yes, when he said that some women think being wolf-whistled at is a compliment (and he knows this because they apparently smile while being whistled at), he’s absolutely right, if that’s the empirical evidence he’s using to make his Sherlockian deductions.

 

Come now, there’s no need to beat around the bush of second wave feminism, some women *do smile* when they’re being wolf-whistled at. I know I have. But it’s only because I’ve been programmed to accept demonstrations of sexual intimidation by smiling and trying to let it go, in an attempt to deflect or diffuse any further unpleasantness that may ensue. I wouldn’t be a 21st century woman if the 20th century hadn’t taught me to put up with a whole bunch of crap because I value my survival over everything else.

 

This must be confusing for men like Malcolm Roberts though, who take observations like defenceless smiling women or rising global temperatures and don’t bother to examine their underlying causes. It’s also frustrating for everyone else, because men like Malcolm Roberts then go on to propose we change laws relating to sexual harassment or climate change, you know stuff that hasn’t definitively been proven to exist yet, without even bothering to check what they are first.

 

Just imagine all the other things he must assume women think are compliments because he never bothered to stop a woman in the street to ask (even though he’s sure they would love that). Here are some examples that probably would leave him nodding fervently in agreement:

 

  • Women actually love being cat-called from moving vehicles because it compliments our visibility to the driver’s eye, contrary to what many hiring panels and tall dudes at gigs believe

 

  • Women love getting paid less than men because it actually compliments our budgeting abilities

 

  • Women look forward to giving up our careers that we’ve invested so much time, effort and money into to look after our families, because it compliments our ability to stifle our own hopes and dreams for the needs of others

 

  • Women love being underestimated by our intellectual peers because we secretly love hearing ‘not just a pretty face!’ when we eventually solve your stupid problem

 

  • Being expected to cook, clean and look after children while also holding down a job really compliments the fact that we have 8 highly extendable arms, something many women are secretly ashamed to admit

 

  • Women love being constantly judged by their appearances and fashion choices because it highlights our ability to wake up an extra hour earlier than men everyday to arrange every inch of ourselves to their liking

 

  • We also love to then be judged negatively for caring about our appearances, because it is secretly a compliment about how good we are at not letting our heads explode by such double standards

 

 

  • Women definitely love being touched without their consent because it compliments our corporeality and is a great reminder that soon we will all be dust in the sands of time and not have to put up with your bullshit any more

 

  • Women love it when men assume they’re bad at math or science because that means all those women with STEM degrees got them through high-level magic and sorcery, which is just plain cool

 

  • We think being underrepresented in almost all areas of government is just a testament to our thrill-seeking natures and how much we love living precariously, with the knowledge that our basic wants and needs may often go overlooked

 

 

 


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