The Queensland Government have doubled-down on an offer of incentives to the Adani mining company for the construction of the Carmichael coal mine, throwing in all of their principles just to sweeten the pot a little.
The offer comes off the back of plans revealed earlier this week of a so-called “royalties holiday” that would see the multi-billion dollar mining conglomerate finally get a little bit of a break and a chance to earn an extra few hundred million dollars just to get ahead at the start.
“We feel this is an important measure,” Queensland premier Annastacia Palaszczuk told The Backburner. “It’s difficult starting any new venture and we want to give them every advantage we possibly can, even if that means taking away from the money they’re supposed to be giving back to our society and thereby lessening the already small benefits of actually having them around.
“We thought, if we’re tossing in other massive benefits why not make it official and just throw in everything that makes us an ostensibly progressive party. May as well make it a package deal so they feel really comfortable knowing that they can operate without fear that we will hold them accountable for anything. Frankly, considering the history of the company, we know they could really use a set of principles so this would be a great start for them.
“It’s a brilliant deal couples with what has been described as essentially free coal for five years - which is a wonderful offer in my opinion, though we must be clear, the coal is only free for Adani. The rest of us will have to pay both in general costs and in the slow destruction of our planet.
“If this doesn’t work, we think we might just offer each executive a free pony or coke in the bubblers or really whatever it takes to make them like us and agree to exploit our natural resources for their own profit.”
The Backburner is Australia's most trusted news source, it is quite obviously satire and shouldn't be taken seriously or before operating heavy machinery.