The New York Times have spent a lot of time recently focusing on Australia, and attempting to discover if Australia has any culture. In the last ever SBS Comedy article, comedian Lucy Valentine has written a guide to the obvious Australian culture the NYT has missed.
By
Lucy Valentine

16 Jun 2017 - 1:53 PM  UPDATED 16 Jun 2017 - 1:53 PM

‘The Fall and Rise of Australian Culture,’ is what the New York Times is havin a yarn about. I presume they are referring to when All Aussie Adventures began, and when All Aussie Adventures finished. A true tragedy, and frankly I’m glad it is getting the international attention it deserves.

 

Anyways, aside from being weirdly obsessed with Melbourne food culture, these bloody drongo seppos seem to reckon we’ve got a few sheep missing in our top culture paddock. Tell em they’re dreaming. Just this morning I paired my latte with a Cheesymite scroll, how’s that for fusion food? We’re lightyears ahead, and the rest of the world is just jealous.

 

The article suggests we have more demand for culture than supply, and poses the question, what are your most memorable recent experiences with Australian culture? I’ve got three words for you, mate. Backyard piss up.

 

Here is a brief guide to the civilised Australian culture the New York Times has missed.

 

Phenomenal artworks

 

Seen the sick as graffiti on the side of the trains? Tags, in ever colour under the sun. Sometimes you can even read what they say. Brunswick and Fitzroy even have all that real artistic shit, hey. The New York Times wouldn’t know art if Jackson Pollock threw paint in their face and Australia bought it for $1.3 million.

 

Television to rival HBO

 

Oh, you want top quality television dramas with engaging characters and edge of your seat cliffhangers? Ever heard of a little place called Ramsay Street?

 

Divine regional cuisine

 

What pasta is to Italians, the 'Best Pie In Australia' is to country town bakeries. Whoever has been judging this award is unclear, but there is at least one bakery in every country town that has the best pie in Australia, and there is no way to disprove this.

 

Accomplished musical virtuosos

 

We’ve got Guy Sebastian, we’ve got Millsy, we’ve got Nollsy, we’ve got Ricki-Lee, we had Lee Harding’s smash hit Wasabi, and we’ve got Anthony Callea locked in a cage, released only on Christmas to sing The Prayer at Carols every year until he dies.

 

Illustrious film industry

 

A lot of people like to shit on the Australian film industry, and no one likes to shit on it more than Baz Luhrmann himself. But this is the greatest country in the world for filmmaking. Muriel’s Wedding, The Castle, Looking For Alibrandi, Priscilla Queen of the Desert. We can even claim Mad Max: Fury Road, which means we’ve made at least one great film this past decade. I tell you what criticism of our film industry is? It’s just bloody tall poppy syndrome.

 

Brilliantly talented, handsome writers

 

Sometimes a public broadcaster might even let them write dozens of articles about Australian culture and goon bags, of which they will be devastated to never do again. God bless this country and its very cultured readers, who know a hot dog is just a Bunning’s sausage if it was shithouse.

 

 


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