Down and out in Paris and Aigle

Organisers have warned that the race's most famous stretch, the Forest of Arenberg, is under threat after utterly unforeseeable weather left bits of the road covered in soil.

"Nature has reasserted itself, and mud is covering the ground," sighed Jean-Francois Pescheux, a representative of the Amaury Sports Organisation (ASO), as if Arenberg was a sandbank in the path of the Amazon and not a forest in France.

The ASO runs Paris-Roubaix and the Tour de France, so it may come as a surprise that the organisation is wringing its hands about the failure by French authorities to maintain a road that is used precisely once per year, rather than offering to, say, chip in for a couple of spades to initiate the clean-up.

But perhaps like elsewhere in cycling, money is a problem. This week the ASO knocked back the chance to toss wadded-up banknotes into a pot the International Cycling Union dug out of its shed and labelled 'Global Cycling Promotion'.

The UCI, having squirreled away just 114,000 Swiss Francs (US$124,000) in 2010, are approaching "people of means" (although presumably not this guy) to invest in their new entity, which they hope will boost coffers by tapping new markets.

As the UCI is non-profit, president Pat McQuaid has promised that any doubloons which Global Cycling Promotion funnels back to Aigle will be invested into the sport.

Interestingly, he specified this money would be distributed among teams* – something that may or may not relate to the recent proposal for a breakaway series which promised teams 64 per cent ownership.

*Possibly not women's teams, admittedly.

The week in ...

... biking pure

French teenager Alexandre Dougnier is not someone who does things by halves. Dougnier, 19, has been banned for three years by the French Cycling Federation after testing positive for 12 separate performance-enhancing substances. He was riding with local club AC Boulogne-Billancourt when dope testers caught up with him at a Kermesse race in May last year – perhaps having been tipped off after noticing his urine burning holes in the pavement. The complete Dougnier cocktail is as follows: 3'HydroxyStanozolol, 16B-HydroxyStanozolol, 4B-HydroxyStanozolol, 4-Meyhylhexaneamine, Prednisone, Prednisolone, Oxandrolone, Epioxandrolone, Tuaminoheptane, Triamcinolone Acetonide, 6B-HydroxyMethandienone and 17-Epimethandienone.

... letdowns

The Tour Down Under was not everything it was cracked up to be for Vacansoleil's Dutch sprinter Kenny van Hummel. "I still haven't seen a kangaroo in the wild yet," van Hummel told Yahoo Sports. "We've ridden past kangaroo signs but seen nothing so far. Yesterday we saw a wild koala in a tree when we were on a training run, but that's it."

... global cycling promotion

Kyrgyzstan, besides being a nightmarish Scrabble hand, is best known for being a landlocked Central Asian country not closely connected with Borat or Alexandre Vinokourov. But if one man has his way cyclists will soon be flocking to the mountainous nation like snow leopards to a wounded goat. Almaz Aiylchiev wants to build a 300-mile bike path around local beauty spot Lake Issyk-Kul.

"Cycling is very popular in Europe, the United States, Russia and China and this project will be good for tourists," Aiylchiev hurrahed, placing a bulk order for bar tape and chamois cream. Kyrgyzstan's recent achievements include two revolutions and violent ethnic clashes, so it's possible that a bike path may not be enough on its own to kick-start a tourist boom.

Luckily Aiylchiev has other tricks up his sleeve, including the project’s name, Bai Issyk-Kul – chosen with foreigners in mind.
"In the Kyrgyz language it means 'rich Issyk-Kul' but in English it sounds like bicycle," Aiylchiev said. Tourism officials in Koksijde, home of this weekend's cyclocross world championships, were unavailable for comment.

Dispatches from the Twitterverse
Air Europa the worst flight company ever. To anybody out there never ever book a flight with aireuropa - @schleckfrank

I decree there shall be more grunting in women's cycling. More frocks, names on our shoes & matching sweatbands. I have kit envy #sharapova - @Bridie_OD

Anybody else perplexed by the fact that every 2nd AD on TV is selling funeral insurance? Surely it can't be that popular to invest in death? - @badencooke

Classic YouTube

The hit series 'Shit girls (skiers/yoga teachers) say' has finally inspired a spin-off covering cyclists. Man, shaved legs DO make such a difference.