I'm bad at talking about Japanese food, mostly because it's difficult to uphold the pretence of authenticity. Every time someone points out the respectfulness to seasonal foods and the 'clean' flavours of Japanese cuisine, I point out that it is the nation that invented MSG, instant noodles and vending machines filled with coffee in a can. This makes eating in Tokyo somewhat of a contradiction for serious food lovers.

I did not seek out monjayaki, it found me; and managed to sum up the drunken and contradictory nature of food in Tokyo. A friend in Tokyo suggested as part of my very short trip we do a boat ride on the Sumida River and partake in the local pancake, monjayaki, described below. It was an all-you-can-drink arrangement which seemed to attract a crowd who consisted primarily of young recruits from the Japanese navy on shore leave and what looked to be one of the most sedate buck’s nights that I’d seen in some time.

It was a classy crowd.

Monjayaki is a sticky, semi-cooked vegetable “pancake” roughly the consistency of melted cheddar cheese. There is probably a “traditional” form of it but it is acceptable for the pancake to actually contain melted cheddar cheese as at least this restaurant attests. The core ingredients seem to be flour and Worcestershire sauce, an ingredient that is bigger in Japan than anywhere else on Earth, along with cabbage or some other green matter. Add to it anything else that can be grilled. The pancake is most strongly associated with Tokyo, and especially, this street in Tsukishima which is packed with monjaaki joints.

Monjayaki falls into the genre of foods where there is a distinct possibility of getting drunk and setting yourself on fire, like any meal that involves a fondue pot. The idea is that you cook the pancake yourself on a metal grill built for the purpose, as follows.

1. Fry your fish roe and rice cakes.

2. Chop the rice cakes and pour on the cabbage.

3. Furiously chop up the ingredients.

4. Build a circular wall from the cooked cabbage and pour in the Worcestershire sauce and flour batter. Opinion differs on whether you should add the roe to the centre of this or chop it prior.

5. When the liquid has cooked down until the pancake can hold its shape, chop and blend together.

6. Cook until the pool of food has the consistency of melted cheese. Every time that you see an artful arrangement of sushi that celebrates the turning of a particular season, remember that it comes from the same nation that brought you this pancake that has roughly the appearance of steaming, novelty rubber vomit.

7. Scrape from the hotplate with your mini scraper and eat with a local ale.