• Rollo knows how to wear shirtless pretty well (SBS)
The weather may be chilly, but beneath the fur lies TV's warmest heaving bodies.
By
James Mitchell

9 Jan 2017 - 2:14 PM  UPDATED 9 Jan 2017 - 2:18 PM

It’s a high-end historical epic, so sex and nudity is a given in Vikings. Even if it is positively prudish compared to its lewder, more depraved cousin Game of Thrones.

But things still get pretty steamy under the animal fur. They’re a horny, aesthetically pleasing lot. And besides, it’s damn cold in Scandinavia.

We got hot and bothered “researching” the sexiest Vikings scenes so far.

Ragnar and Lagertha

They’re a scorching pair, whether they’re fighting, fornicating, or giving lusty glances post-divorce.

Ravenous is how you might describe them. At one point Lagertha (Katheryn Winnick) makes no bones (sorry!) about exactly how she’d like to have her way with Ragnar (Travis Fimmel).

“I want to ride you like a wild bull.”

Giddy up!

The (almost) Holy Trinity

Such a cruel dilemma for devout monk Athelstan (George Blagden) in his early days in Kattegat. While he reads the scriptures, a stone’s throw away Ragnar and Latherga are romping and pomping like Viking rabbits.

The two appear half naked and propose a threesome. Athelstan is tempted but holds his ground.

“What if God looked the other way?” purrs Lagertha.

Sacrilicious!

It’s one of the first nods to sexual fluidity in Vikings and certainly the first major frisson of homoeroticism between master and slave. Ragnar’s battle-honed, topless torso leads the way in a playful advance to the monk, enough to put the steam up any robe.

Queen Kwenthrith and Lagertha pash

No tickle and pillow fights here unfortunately, but plenty of sizzle. At a drunken victory celebration, the queen sidles up to Lagertha with a longing look.

Lagertha: Why do you stare at me?

Kwenthrith: Because you interest me… and… you attract me.

Then a tender kiss, a clasping of hands and Lagertha sends Kwenthrith (Amy Bailey) on her way. As season four continues, there’s bound to be more sapphic sparks in a new same-sex relationship for Lagertha.

Aslaug and The Wanderer Harbard (and Floki?)

It’s tempting to see Harbard (Kevin Durand) as a sexy sex god but really, imagine the petri dish of STI’s The Wanderer was packing, from all his wandering days bedding villages of womenfolk to ‘heal’ them? This, back when safe sex meant not pulling a groin muscle. No one likes sloppy seconds, or thirds, or fourths……..

Still, there’s no denying Aslaug (Alyssa Sutherland) and Harbard had some hot straight-up traditional sex but also some freaky, strangely sexy, fully clothed sex in a field in the rain. Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed.

Aslaug mounts what appears to be Floki who intermittently appears as Harbard. A spiritual threesome? Must have been the magic mushrooms.

Ragnar bathes Yidu

In a bath, Ragnar bathes his former slave tenderly, then pleasures Yidu (Dianne Doan) while he remains clothed. He washes her hair, then scrapes a knife up her arm and neck before cutting off a tuft of hair (as you do), followed by a variation of the ‘Spiderman’ kiss. Kinky.

It’s one of those soft focus scenes that wouldn’t be out of place in a Mills & Boon novel and an incredibly sensual one, though also ironically tragic given Yidu’s water-soaked demise.

King Ecbert’s hot tub parties

King Ecbert (Linus Roache), AKA ‘King Hot Tub’, loves a good steam bath. He and Ragnar got naked to discuss strategy with a hint of homoerotic frisson in his Roman bath.

The king went full Hugh Hefner in season 3 with a steamy soak with Lagertha, Athelstan and Judith (Jennie Jacques). He and Lagertha get amorous which is a bit awkward for Athelstan and Judith who nonetheless exchange furtive glances (and there’s a very unsubtle reach around by Athelstan for a goblet).

Talk of Paris seems to get them all hot and bothered. Ooooh, Francophilian geography! What foreplay!

Any time Rollo goes topless

Rollo clearly has a thing for fighting topless and clearly, the actor who plays him, Clive Standen, has been doing his push-ups between takes.

It must be particularly cold out there because Rollo’s torso is tight, and one presumes, so are his nipples. Add the swinging of his hefty axe in the breeze (take that as a euphemism if you like) and he’s the village jock who has the women (and quite possibly men) hot under the tunic.

Bjorn and Porunn (and Floki?)

What is it with the Lothbrok men? They do REALLY love their slaves. They also enjoy sexy fighting as a warm up to the main event (yes, I mean sex).

If you can get past the eeewww factor of boy Bjorn (Nathan O’Toole) suddenly morphing into muscle-bound-adult-at-his-sexual-peak Bjorn (Alexander Ludwig), his fleshy roll in the meadow with Porunn (Gaia Weiss) is a sweaty pulse raiser.

But who’s that behind the grassy knoll? It’s Floki (Gustaf Skarsgård) copping a good peak. Way to kill the moment, perv. 

A preview of the Vikings fourth mid-season premiere is streaming now on SBS On Demand. The show returns to on Wednesday 11 January on SBS at 8:30pm. 

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