Dragon Children - Benjamin Law

31 Aug 2011, 10:07 am   -   Source: SBS
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Benjamin Law.

Benjamin Law.

Chinese parents expect their children to learn as much as possible in order to succeed and stand out in society.  This parental expectation is so powerful that it is called "wishing for dragon children".

The son of Hong Kong migrants, Ben Law was born and raised on Queensland’s Sunshine Coast - the middle child in a family of five. He attended a local Lutheran high school  where he was one of only four Asian students in a class of 250. Ben is now based in Brisbane as a writer.
 
He describes his first book, a memoir titled The Family Law, as being like the Wonder Years except where everyone eats rice. It is currently being developed into a television series.
 
Ben reflects on being a 'dragon child'.

Go to 'The Dragon Children' minisite

Being a migrant, a lot of the time mum couldn’t help us with homework. Maths wasn’t her strongpoint and she hadn’t done the same science subjects we had. But mum was a good reader and so in primary school she would make an effort every night for us to get into bed with her and read together. We even made cassette recordings so we could listen to them when we grew up.
 
My dad worked seven nights a week at his restaurant to put his children through incredibly expensive private schools.  We didn't work in the restaurant tirelessly like a lot of other Chinese kids, but we did do some work there as we grew up. It was hard work. I hated working in the restaurant and I remember thinking that dad does this every night of the week. None of us wanted that for our lives. We wanted options.
 
My parents were pretty appalled that Australia was the first country they encountered where kids didn't want to go to school or where kids would complain about going.
 
My parents came from a generation where education was not regarded as fun, but important. When you come from a Chinese background and you learn the language by rote because of the intense system of strokes and characters, work isn’t about fun.
 
I think a lot of gwai lo say school should be fun or children won’t engage. The Asian model says it’s our obligation and responsibility to be engaged and I think, to an extent, that’s healthy. It’s not about forcing a doctrine down your throat, but supporting and reinforcing the idea that education isn’t something to be wasted.
 
My parents never leaned over me or breathed down my neck with academia. In fact, my mum was generous with our TV schedule and we watched a lot of as kids. But there was a general unspoken view that you couldn’t watch TV until you did all your homework. There was an acute sense of work and reward, so until you had done your work there was delayed gratification.
 
But because we didn't have that intense discipline coming from our parents, the main people putting pressure on us was ourselves. I remember once getting a B-minus and bursting into tears. I just couldn't think of anything more hideous.
 
It would also be me and my youngest sister who would get panic attacks from school assignments. My mother would be the one that consoled us, saying it’s okay, it’s not the end of the world. That was an interesting dynamic. They had instilled these values in us but they’d be the ones to tell us to back up off ourselves.
 
I was a selective nerd so I worked hard when I liked a subject and considered it important. I did really well in English and I think I topped my ancient history class. Ancient history was a subject about perversion and I excelled in that.
 
But there were other subjects I knew wouldn’t contribute to my final score and with those I was a calculated rebel.
 
I went to a Lutheran school and didn’t respect the pastor there. He taught religion - Christian studies - in a way I disagreed with. So I was provocative in class and with my final assignments and I went out of my way to fail.
 
Even now my nightmares aren’t about death or being killed by zombies. The nightmares I have where I wake up in a cold sweat are all academic related. Like having a high school assignment due tomorrow that I didn’t know about. Or rushing to the library and looking for a book that doesn't exist. I can’t tell you how horrible it is, but you can tell I’m really Asian.
 
My siblings are now are all adults between the ages of 21 and 35. Whenever we gather as adults, we’re amazed that considering we went through a messy parental divorce, none of us went off the rails. Maybe we’re just easily impressed with ourselves, but it’s a wonder none of us turned out to be unemployed, drug-addicted prostitute - although working freelance is pretty close to that.
 
One thing my parents had in common with a lot of Chinese parents is that education was to be the most important, paramount thing in all our lives. But apart from that they wanted us to do whatever we wanted to do, as long as we were good at it - and we could earn money in it. It’s a rare attitude to get from any parent no matter what cultural background.
 
I don't think my dad understands what I do. He knows I write and I earn money but he doesn't quite understand how I do this without actually being employed.
 
My mum loves the idea of having a writer in the family. It’s not the most secure of careers but one thing both my parents respect is that they’ve instilled upon us the importance of sheer hard work, to push and persevere no matter what we did.
 

Dragon Children 

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