• 'Toorak' may be an Aboriginal word, but its population doesn't reflect its etymology (www.kayburton.com.au)
With some Melbournians feeling a little left out of the Blakfulla Safe Space at Yirramboi festival, writer Nayuka Gorrie hunted down some clubhouse options for white folks.
By
Nayuka Gorrie

15 May 2017 - 4:11 PM  UPDATED 15 May 2017 - 4:26 PM

In a bold move of “reverse racism” last week Narrm based blak arts collective, Real Blak Tingz exhibited "Unnaturalized”, as part of Yirramboi festival. Part of the work has drawn criticism from noted supporters of Aboriginal people, including the Herald Sun.

The critique of the exhibition is that it is mean and discriminatory to exclude settlers - and I agree! If youth creative space, Signal arts studio in Melbourne, on a Wednesday night, at an exhibition by Blak artists is not safe for the settler, then where is?? I have spent the weekend searching for safe white spaces and fear no more, I have found the last remaining safe spaces in this country.

 

1. Parliament, Canberra

Sure, federal politics is becoming less and less safe. There are 226 politicians across the Senate and House of Representatives and a whopping FOUR of them are Aboriginal (Ken Wyatt, Malarndirri McCarthy, Patrick Dodson and Linda Burney) making it increasingly less safe than it ever has been. Thankfully, Pauline Hanson is there, so it’s sanctity should remain preserved.

 

 

2. Denver City Hotel, Coolgardie

You might recall in 2014 a pub in WA getting called out for it’s sign that read, “No Indigenous person will be served in this hotel.” As a noted history buff I thought this throwback to safer times was a totally ok and not racist thing to do.

 

 

3. Toorak, Melbourne

Unless the word “Toorak” which is a local word for “reedy swamp,” is too spicy for you, you should feel pretty safe knowing the place boasts a near pristine 0.1% of local Toorak inhabitants being Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander according to the 2011 census. According to the 2011 census there are 12,871 people in Toorak which means there are 12 blackfullas in Toorak. That is still a lot so blink twice if you need help fam.

 

4. Public Transport in most cities, Australia

There are some real social justice warriors out there doing their best to keep the world safe. By keeping the world safe, I mean shouting with spit slying at people of colour for having the audacity to exist and go about their lives as a person of colour on public transport.

 

 

5. Tasmania

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Some famous whitefulla once said “never let the truth get in the way of a good story.” One very persistent story is that Truganini was the last blackfulla of Tasmania. Which I would imagine is at the very least a tiny bit awkward for the Tassie blackfullas that live there and across the country. Myths matter and no doubt this one makes it feel just a bit safer. Also, bonus points for keeping it safe for homophobes.

 

 

6. Inner city suburbs

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In physics, energy can neither be created nor destroyed. It is the same with safe spaces. Just as one safe space is destroyed (a Melbourne gallery on a Wednesday night), safe spaces are created all around the country in a safe place making activity called “gentrification.” Whether Fitzroy, Redfern or West End have no fear, the safe space will remain.

 

 

*This is content is satire. Like the article? Follow the author @NayukaGorrie

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