Open Season

Amid Australia's World Cup qualification, Tim Cahill's nightclub antics, the Confederations Cup in South Africa, Yankees smashing the Mets 15-0, and the Lakers taking the NBA championship, the real story of the week is about women grunting.

Wimbledon begins next week and, according to some reports, the strawberries and cream set have had enough of female tennis stars making noise. The result? The All England Club (that's the posh name for the tournament's organiser) is considering enforcing a no-grunt zone for the ladies.

Apparently, it's young Michelle Larcher de Brito, from Portugal, who has embarrassed officialdom one time too many and inspired some media commentators to compare female tennis with pornographic movies.

As you do.

"The fact is, we do like women players to be, well, ladylike," wrote someone called Julie Welch in The Daily Mail, one of Britain's more conservative newspapers.

"Sorry if this is sexist, but that's the way it is."

(I actually don't require women players to be 'ladylike', whatever that is, but I digress.)

She continued: "It has got so embarrassing that you don't want to be in the same room as your parents when it's on TV - you might just as well have accidentally tuned into a porn film."

Perhaps Ms Welch has some personal issues she needs to deal with, as upset as she is, to link grunts emitted due to athletic exertion with – let's not skirt around the issue, shall we? – those sounds Maria Sharapova may or may not make during sex.

That, after all, is what this is all about.

Here's Maria Sharapova and the admittedly screechy Larcher De Brito going at it.



By contrast, here's Ana Ivanovic (playing Sharapova), who is one of the quiet ones.

But here's an interesting angle with a story from Australia last year, where a nine-year-old girl was banned (!) for grunting, or maybe imitating the stars.



Former Champion Boris Becker, himself a man with a certain off-court reputation, is no fan of grunting, fearing for the ladies' well-being and telling GQ magazine: "I can't help thinking it's bad for their vocal chords. It can't be healthy and it can't go on. Grunting serves no athletic purpose and should be banned."

Certainly, the Women's Tennis Association seems conflicted, a few years ago suggesting that fans "Grunt if you like women's tennis!" in an advertising campaign.

But, hold on, there could be a scientific reason that women make more noise than men.

"Grunting is more prevalent in women's tennis because when you grunt, when you breath at the contact point, you're actually generating more velocity out of the racquet head, you're more relaxed and you get power," Dr. Jim Loehr, the CEO of LGE Performance Systems told The Bleacher Report.
 
Loehr, it should be pointed out, taught original moaner Monica Seles to grunt – and win.

So, do women need to be issued a pillow with their racquets to muffle noise or are the screamers as much a part of tennis as rained-out Wimbledons and red clay at Roland Garros?

We haven't heard the last of this.


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