The Circus

Merv refuses to lay a cable
Merv Hughes, wearer of heroic moustaches, actor (he played Ivan Milat in Fat Pizza), supporters' tour host and part-time Australian cricket selector, can never be accused of doing his job by remote control. Mainly because he doesn't appear to have one. Hughes, unlike fellow selectors Andrew Hilditch, David Boon and Jamie Cox, has declined Cricket Australia's offer of a Foxtel subscription so he can see the occasional game, given that not too many fetch up on free-to-air these days.

In fairness, Boon and Cox both come from Tassie, where not much happens, so it's understandable that they have leapt at the chance to get cabled up. But Merv frets that he'd never get out of the house if he were a subscriber, such are the wonders of the TV Shopping Network, Australian Christian Channel and Aurora, the "community" station for people with a digital video camera, moderate personality disorders and too much time on their hands.

Hughes says he sees enough cricket without watching obscure Twenty20 matches from somewhere in Uttar Pradesh featuring third-string Australians playing for franchises owned by Bollywood actors. Fair enough. But it's tax-deductible Merv. It would be un-Australian not to sign up.

Barney at Barnsley
Officially, the record books will record a 0-2 victory for Manchester United away against Barnsley in the Carling Cup, but we prefer to think of it as 1-2, given the quality of the effort from these fans:



One slips, clearly having opted for moulded soles rather than studs, but has the presence of mind to regain his feet, round a sadly immobile Ben Foster and pass to his mate, whose first touch is a little solid, but who then volleys beautifully into the net. The sliding celebration is nice, too.

Most of the fun at the match, so it seems, was supplied by supporters, with Man U fans going on a food outlet looting rampage. A Google search of "Barnsley cuisine" results in only an instruction to "Try New Tuscani Pizza at Pizza Hut", but perhaps the quality of food at Oakwell wasn't up to the United fans' usual high standard? Still, hurling chip butties and Yorkshire puddings at security staff is just not on.

How tweet it is
Yesterday The Circus told you all about American football eejit Larry Johnson, who got into strife with his Kansas City Chiefs outfit for suggesting on Twitter – yes, more trouble caused by letting sportspeople loose with technology and half a brain – that his dad could do a better job than coach Todd Haley.

Running back Johnson had to apologise. But now he has been suspended indefinitely while the NFL and the Chiefs investigate a couple of charming gay slurs he has come up with. The first was on Twitter, when he replied to a fellow tweeting twat: "Think bout a clever diss then that wit ur fag pic. Christopher street boy. Is what us east coast cats call u."

Somewhat more coherently, Johnson then told reporters who attempted to ask him about the comment, "Get your faggot ass out of here." The ever-charming Mr J has since apologised "for the words I used". Not for his homophobia, mind you. For the words he used. Oh, and it was noted that Johnson made a similar apology a year ago after being sentenced to two years probation for throwing a drink on one woman and pushing another in a Kansas City nightclub.

That's Zamora
Fulham striker Bobby Zamora was the subject of one of English football's wittiest chants when playing for West Ham a few years ago. Zamora, whose miss from about 45millimetres out against Manchester City last weekend was fairly typical of his career, could occasionally hear this refrain from the terraces to the tune of That's Amore: "When you're sat in row Z and the ball hits your head, that's Zamora."

Sadly, the video of Zamora's effort has been pulled from Youtube, probably by the RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Athletes), but in an attempt to make him feel a little better, we offer this:



The numbers game
111 – the "unlucky" score on which English cricket umpire David Shepherd, who died yesterday, would always stand on one leg for fear of jinxing the batting side.
68 – the score on which Shepherd passed away.
72 – dollars. The cost of a basic Foxtel subscription for Merv Hughes.
1000 – US dollars offered by Manny Pacquiao's trainer to any sparring partner who can knock down the Filipino champion in training.

Quote of the day
"Let me advise the referees I am a former professional boxer. I will try to control my
emotions, but if they suddenly drive me up the wall I cannot say how I will behave, whether I will be quick tempered, whether I will throw a series [of punches] or not. If I do, it will end badly for them. So let them be careful, professional and honest."
- Shakhtar Donetsk owner Rinat Akmetov is careful, professional and honest in his warning to referees.


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