The Circus

Which Woods were used by Tiger's wife?
The least contentious aspect of the Tiger Woods's accident is the choice of weapon . . . sorry, rescue implement.

Depending on what you believe, the world's best golfer may or may not have had a dust up with his wife, which may or may not have involved saucy NYC socialite Rachel Uchitel, before crashing his car on his own property and sustaining injuries that may or may not have been serious or inflicted by a blonde Swedish model.

Now poor driving is one thing, but who ever heard of a golfer being in trouble for putting one too many birdies?

It was then that Elin Nordegren sprung into action (or a bout of vindictiveness) and freed Woods from his car (or bashed it good with the one thing that would not be in short supply around the Woods's household: a golf club.

Wonder if it was a lob wedge?
The Circus guesses that if the new Mrs Professor Dr Geoffrey Edelsten ever found the old Sydney Swans owner to be philanderous she, too, might lay into the Bentley with an item not uncommon around the abode.

For some reason, though, The Circus doubts a box of Viagra would do as much damage as a three iron.

Department of youth
Pakistan and West Indies have both been in the cricketing wilderness of late. Pakistan owing to domestic turmoil, West Indies owing to . . . well, being crap. But both teams found at least one reason to smile over the weekend, each unearthing teen batting tyros to lighten their summers of discontent.

Umar Akmal and Adrian Barath are both 19 years of age, were both playing their first Tests and both brought up their maiden Test tons against home teams New Zealand and Australia respectively.

Surely cricket – a game fond of statistics – has never seen right-handed teenage debutants score maiden centuries on the same weekend in the Antipodes before December in the past?

Still, despite Akmal and Gul's substantial efforts, their teams lost –West Indies embarrassingly so. Windies skipper Chris Gayle is on record as saying Test cricket is on the way out and he batted like a man with full conviction in his own words, scoring just 32 runs and twice throwing away third-umpire referrals despite being more out than Adam Lambert.

There was at least one upset over the weekend, however, with England belting the bejesus out of South Africa in their one-day match in Port Elizabeth. It capped off a bad weekend for sports loving South Africans, who also saw their beloved Springboks fall to Ireland in rugby.

For the sake of the spouses of sports mad loving South Africans, The Circus hopes they take defeat better than their American counterparts.

Stars of the silver pitch
Blockbuster films find it almost impossible to match the hype, and in Spain, it does not get any more blockbustery than when Real Madrid takes on Barcelona in football.

In what is becoming quite the trend, Spanish cinemas showed the game live owing to massive interest. But the rivalry goes beyond sport.

“Every time Barcelona and Madrid meet, it's an act of rebellion against the established power, against centralism." Hristo Stoichkov said that. The Circus does not know if it agrees with Hristo, the crazy bastard; it just wants whatever team that Cristiano Ronaldo doesn’t play for to win.

And we got our wish. The match was a bit of a fizzer, but Barca defeated Ronaldo’s Madrid 1-0 in a patchy game.

No matter – it was still better value for money than Battlefield Earth.

Numbers game
7 – goals scored by the Kookaburras in defeating The Netherlands 7-2 in hockey’s Champions Trophy, the worst defeat in the competition for the Dutch.
3 – consecutive world surfing titles won by Australia’s Stephanie Gilmore after finishing third at the Gidget Pro in Hawaii.
1 – highlight of Australia’s tour of the United Kingdom and Ireland after the wallabies actually played some good rugby in dispatching Wales 33-12.

Quote of the day
"It's hard to find a woman where you’re watching the football together, then playing basketball against each other, air hockey, you name it, we’d fish together and compete to see who caught the most fish." – Disgraced former sprinter Tim Montgomery dispels the rumour that the only thing he and ex-squeeze Marion Jones had in common was the ingestion of performance enhancing drugs.

Headline we'd like to read
West Indies inept batting ruins The Circus's Sunday, makes it spend time with family instead