The Circus

Just a little PR Bingle
Later today, Australia will face the nasty taunts of all those nasty people from nasty New Zealand in nasty Hamilton during the third ODI, and perhaps learn what it is like for visiting teams to play in Australia.

The Aussies will go into the match without vice-captain Michael Clarke, who has returned to Australia for "personal reasons". In an amazing coincidence, Clarke's betrothed Lara Bingle is concurrently embroiled in a controversy over a photograph taken of her in the shower. Less amazingly, she was naked at the time.

Could the two be linked? Cricket Australia is keeping mum on the issue but if they are, it is unlikely to enhance Clarke's reputation amongst a public who, apparently, don't like him anyway; especially as Ms Bingle has reportedly already pocketed $200,000 out of the 'scandal'.

Clarke's father is crook and The Circus believes he is entitled to as much privacy as any other Gillette-shaving, Bonds-wearing superstar. But perhaps a man with obvious designs on becoming Australia's next Test captain could at least provide some context for his decision to bail out of the team mid-tour, whether he is obligated to or not?

In any event, Clarke – who has so far averaged 16 at a strike rate of 58 in the Chappell-Hadlee series – is sure to be sorely missed.

All out of Love
You did not have to watch the recent Four Corners expose on the state of Australian tennis to know that the game is struggling in these here parts. But take comfort in the fact that, for all the local backbiting and plummeting rankings, the Brits have it even worse.

'A new low for British tennis' is how the English media is looking upon team GB's defeat at the hands of not-so-superpower Lithuania.

The defeat by a country that has a total of three players with world singles rankings mean the Brits must now face Turkey just to stay in the third (and second-to-bottom) tier of the competition.

The UK Telegraph summed up the despair without recourse to hyperbole or adjective: "Britain is now officially worse at tennis than Lithuania and Ireland." Ouch.
 
Of course, the last time England went into battle with Turkey, Peter Weir made a film about it. But this time it's unlikely they'll find any Australian volunteers willing to fight it for them.

Strike three
What follows is a transcript of one side of a telephone conversation The Circus overheard while hiding in the air conditioning ducts* of Major League Baseball's HQ:

"Yeah, hi. Is this one of three umpire supervisors who has been involved in baseball for over 40 years? It is? Great! You're fired . . . Look, it's not you, it's me . . . Well, it is you actually. You suck . . . Why? Because of all those botched calls in last year's post-season, that's why . . . The human element, you say? Respected by football, you say? Oh, you mean soccer! Yeah, well, we're all for the human element too – except for when the specific element in question keeps on getting things wrong . . . No, I'm afraid I've never heard of Billy Bowden . . ."

*The Circus was in the air conditioning ducts of MLB HQ for "personal reasons".

Mascot watch
Mascots matter. If you don't think so, consider this: In 1998, Japan's gold medal haul at the Nagano Winter Olympics was five. In 2010 at Vancouver, it was zero.
 
Perhaps this is why:



Um . . . what in god's name is that thing?

Numbers game
2 – goals scored by Australia in defeating Pakistan in the last group game of the hockey World Cup in India.
1 – position Australia finished in group B, despite losing the opening match to England.
0 – goals England scored against Spain in its last group match, consigning it to second place in the group.
1 – position currently held by Holland in group A, England's likely semi-final opponent.

Quote of the day
"It's ridiculous."
- Melbourne Victory captain Kevin Muscat wastes no words in describing his feelings toward the scheduling of his team's matches in the Asian Champions League. The Victory play tonight, just two days after defeating Sydney FC in overtime in the A-League major semi-final.
 
Headline we'd like to see
V8 supercar designed with Avatar software performs just like movie: fails to win


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