The Circus

Whack, whack go the Paks
It was a terrific summer Down Under for Pakistan's touring cricket team. They failed to beat Australia in any Tests, one-day internationals or Twenty20 matches, despite being world champions in the latter form of the game. Hapless skipper Mohammad Yousuf had to deal with a fractious team and his own poor form, players openly rebelled against team selection plans, and acting captain Shahid Afridi decided to take a chunk out of the ball with his teeth during the Perth ODI.

Now the Pakistan Cricket Board has brought down its findings after an inquiry into the fiasco – and in typical take-no-prisoners sub-continental style has performed the bureaucratic equivalent of burning Yousuf and former skipper Younus Khan in effigy, banning them from ever representing their country again. Their crime? Infighting that resulted in "bringing down the whole team", man. Like, not cool, dudes.

Afridi was fined three million rupees, which sounds like a whole lot*, and put on probation for six months. Kamran Akmal, who publicly declared he would not accept being dropped from the team for the final Test, but still was, has also copped a three million fine and a six-month probation period.

Little brother Umar Akmal, who was accused of faking an injury to not play in the Test, but still did, also faces scrutiny for the next six months and has to cough up two million rupees. Rana Naved-ul-Hasan and Shoaib Malik fared even worse, each being suspended for a year from all national teams for unspecified indiscipline.

Imagine what would have happened to Michael Clarke if he were Pakistani!

* It is, in fact, about $38,500

That's just not cricket
It's day three of England versus Bangladesh A at the time-honoured Zohur Ahmed Choudhary Stadium in beautiful downtown Chittagong. The tourists would quite like to have another bat before the first Test, so they decide to encourage their hosts to declare early with a little bowling of juicy long hops.

The result? Bangladesh A's world-renowned Shuvagoto Hom and Dolar Mahmud add a trifling 195 runs off nine overs and the locals do call a halt to the slaughter, giving the Poms a nice little stint at the wicket. The only casualties are the first-class bowling averages of skipper Alistair Cook, who is walloped for 111 runs off five overs, and Michael Carberry, who is positively miserly in giving up only 78 off four. And cricket's ever-diminishing credibility, of course.

Hair today, gone tomorrow
Boston Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis is a fine baseballer, with a history of fine facial hair. He is also a fine fellow, and to gather funds for charity he is asking fans on his personal website to vote for the fuzz he should sport on the fast-approaching opening day of the Major Leageu Baseball season – goatee, moustache, Fu Manchu or, perish the thought, clean shaven. Each vote will raise a dollar for Youkilis' children’s foundation. Here at The Circus, we're rooting for the Fu Manchu.

The big bang
Casey Rogers is an 11-year-old Texan boy with an impressive CV. A former foster child adopted as an infant, he founded his own charity after seeing a homeless man begging on a Dallas street. He also won an essay contest sponsored by Kraft Macaroni & Cheese (mmmmm … macaroni and cheese). The prize? Casey gets to blow up the home for the past 38 seasons of the Dallas Cowboys, 65,000-seat Texas Stadium, on April 11. That'll get his mind back on the sort of things an 11-year-old should be doing.

The numbers game
1994 – year in which Marion Jones was starting point guard in North Carolina's national title-winning basketball team
2000 – year in which Jones won three sprinting gold medals at the Sydney Olympics, which were later stripped for doping offences
2003 – year in which Jones was drafted by WNBA's Phoenix Mercury
2010 – year in which Jones hopes to make her WNBA debut after signing with Tulsa Schock

Quote of the day
"Sometimes you move your fingers. It was nothing. We are not considering it, it was nothing."
- Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez defends his captain Steven Gerrard after the midfielder offered a two-fingered salute to referee Andre Mariner during the defeat to Wigan. Sometimes club owners also move their fingers to sign documents dismissing managers who don't meet lofty expectations.

Headline we'd like to see
Bungling bride Bingle beats it to Bungle Bungles


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