Episode 2: Parents

Coping With an Empty Nest

Social Psychologist, Dr Dina McMillan:
Most parents view changes and adjustments as natural when their kids move out of home. But for many, they’re not prepared for the initial period when their kids move and the house is empty.

It is important to get ready as it can be a daunting time for parents. Different people handle this phase in different ways and while there are no hard and fast rules on how to cope, here are some tips to consider.

Some parents, while they’re prepping their kids for life outside of the family home, often forget to consider their own situation. The shift from being parents to being a couple again can be intimidating and may take some time to readjust to.

1. Pay attention to the advice you’re offering your children. Have you told them that living apart doesn’t mean loving each other less? Have you reminded them that change can be hard, but they’ll cope? Have you gone through the world of new opportunities that awaits them? All of that advice is sound, but shouldn’t just apply to your kids. It’s important for you to consider how it applies to also.
    
2. Don’t Panic. If you’re repeating the phrases “I’m only a phone call away” and “I’ll always be there for you” like a mantra, it’s likely you’re overdoing things a bit. You’re entitled to your feelings, but expressing them too much may make your children feel as if you feel confident in their competence.
    
3. Some of the feelings that arise after your adult children leave home can be challenging and confusing. Don’t worry, this is normal. Along with the emotional bond you’ve built with your children over the years, there’s also a power dynamic that is hard to shift.
    
4. Having adult children live at home with you won’t help them unless they’re preparing for their responsibilities as adults. Having everything done for them means they won’t be ready for life beyond the walls of the family home.

Creating demanding and spoiled young adults with unrealistic expectations of others and a sense of entitlement will make them hard to tolerate.

Remember, people don’t just develop selflessness – if you don’t demand sharing, generosity and responsibility from your adult children, you’re hurting their chances of being productive and emotionally healthy housemates, partners, employees and parents.

Avoid the trap of demanding too much at once though, a gradual increase in responsibility each week until the load is shared by everyone is the wisest way forward.