Episode 4: Parents

Dad or “Dadster” – Parent or Mate?

Social Psychologist, Dr Dina McMillan:
Since the Baby Boomers have taken on parenthood, a new style in child-rearing has emerged. Gone are the days when Mum and Dad knew best, instead, many Baby Boomer parents have reared their offspring without setting limits beyond the basics for safety and legality (e.g. requiring children to attend school).

These parents have resisted being authoritarian figures and instead have acted as their child’s peer. This phenomenon has become so pervasive it even has a title. These parents are known as ‘Dadsters’ and ‘Momsters’.

Teachers have been forced to deal with the consequences of these choices since the 1990’s, when children began showing up in their classrooms without the respect for authority granted previous generations.

These children showed up without real experience with rules and restrictions they had to obey. These kids expected disobedience to be met with indulgent smiles and a comments such as, ‘Well, whenever you feel is right for you.’

Dadsters and Momsters may be proud of the fact they are considered their child’s best friend. Sooner or later however, these children realise they’ll have lots of friends during their lives, but they won’t have more parents.

Parents could have directed them through life’s tumultuous decisions, self-discipline and expectations. They’ll realise this guidance sometimes needs to be reinforced by firm demands and limitations, regardless of the children’s resistance. To make this happen, authority is mandatory. Typically, Dadsters and Momsters don’t have any.

This situation leaves these young people lacking an important resource that other children have. At least one person from a previous generation who knows them well, cares for them and can act as a role model.

Dadsters and Momsters, by implication, teach their children they have nothing of real value to impart. They behave as though adults are no better informed than young people and that life experience doesn’t grant wisdom. This simply isn’t true.

As a result of their being unable or unwilling to assert authority, their children give excessive value to their own decision-making skills. They’ll resist being told what to do and may become angry if a person or situation demands obedience. Unless these children find a teacher or coach who will act as a mentor, they end up resistant to authority and prone to making a host of avoidable mistakes.

This is unfair. It’s more than a parent’s choice to take the lead in the family – it’s their obligation. Being buddies with your children doesn’t create better adults, it produces a generation of young people adrift and uncertain, more prone to making poor choices and repeating their mistakes.