The Circus - June 28

28 June 2010 | 0:00 - By The Circus

Major League Eating has drawn a line in the sand and banned vuvuzelas from its July 4 International Hot Dog Eating Championship.

Eights arms, third eye

Fearful though it is of Octopi, The Circus respects the critters. What else could you feel for an animal capable of this:

But the power of the ‘pus goes beyond the mere physical; the things can sooth-say!

Using the age-old trick of selecting mussel-flavoured blocks of ice bearing national colours, Paul the Octopus had called each of Germany’s 2010 World Cup games correctly.

So when the cephalopod was given blocks representing the Fatherland and the Old Dart, expectation was naturally through the roof in merry old Oberhausen:

After that, there was hardly any point in actually playing the game. Certainly the officials didn’t think so, who were so keen to prove PTO right they didn’t even bother awarding English goals.

It didn’t really matter, not only did Germany win 4-1 but Paul was proven to be smarter than Jurgen Klinsmann.

The Circus has just one question: how did a psychic German octopus get the name Paul?

No D’oh!

Uruguay, the football nation that was like Brazil before Brazil was like Brazil, is also through to the quarter-finals of the World Cup.

Unfortunately, the nation is not so well known for its early dominance of World Cups, but is well known for being mispronounced by Homer Simpson, even in German:

Argentina has also come in for treatment by The Simpsons and it too has won through to the next round with an impressive effort against Mexico.

The Circus could almost have seen a pattern forming, if not for the fact that USA itself has been bungled out.

And let’s not even talk about Australia:

Ain’t it the toot

Whenever you think the world is getting too crazy for its own good, you can always bank on the sober and judicious folk at Major League Eating to keep it real.

MLE has drawn a line in the sand and banned vuvuzelas from its July 4 International Hot Dog Eating Championship.

Thank god, says The Circus. Now, the world’s most foremost masticators can consume up to 70 hot dogs in 10 minutes in the kind of respectful surrounds that is their due.

It’s certainly a prospect capable of making anyone’s mouth water. Maybe that was Victor Hanescu’s problem, maybe he was thinking of downing a few dozen hot dogs.

Too much spit, you see. And what better place to get rid of some spit than the All England Lawn Tennis Club?

In fact, Wimbledon is a good place to get rid of all sorts of things, especially chief executives who live and die by the dismal efforts of their largely mediocre talent pool.

Sweet Tweet

The Circus does not Tweet, but perhaps it should. Twitter is powerful. Not in any real sense, of course, but for spreading unsubstantiated scuttlebutt.

Like that Becks and Posh are about to split up, or that English sport supporters are either arrogant or sullen but nothing in between, or that a busted eye actually makes professional pest Steven Baker look a whole lot better.

Numbers game

69 – centremetres in circumference of the Jabulani official World Cup ball

440 – weight in grams of the Jabulani

8 – panels used in the construction of the ball

1 – admissions by FIFA that the thing is actually buggered

Quote of the day

“What, do you expect me to pull my shirt over my head and run around the table a few times?” - British prime minister David Cameron either talking about the World Cup clash with Germany, or a cabinet meeting of the ruling Tory party.

Headline we’d like to read

FIFA introduces replay technology to decide contentious goal decisions

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