The Backburner

2 Feb 2015 - 10:44 AM  UPDATED 2 Feb 2015 - 10:44 AM

Minister for Communications and Not Currently Liberal Leader Malcolm Turnbull is red-faced this morning having been caught by Tony Abbott measuring the Prime Minister’s office with a tape measure.


The incident has added further fuel to leadership speculation however Turnbull is adamant that this was a simple misunderstanding.


“Nothing should be read into this,” said Turnbull. “I just have a bit of a fascination with interior design and sometimes like to play out little hypotheticals. For example, the plaque on Tony’s desk says ‘Prime Minister Tony Abbott’ but I think with and efficient use of space you could fit the words ‘Malcolm Turnbull’ in there with ease.”


“It’s just a bit of fun. There’s no way I could actually move any of my stuff in here. You’d have to move all of Tony’s out first. I don’t see that happening. Though, it is nice to spruce up the office every once in a while so maybe we should think about it.”


The discovery has infuriated Tony Abbott but he insists it was an understandable mistake.


“Look, I am not happy about this but I get it,” he said. “The sign on the door says Prime Minister and Liberal Party Leader. Those are both very ambiguous terms right now. They’re really open to interpretation. It’s like a fine poem.


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“Everyone is a bit shaken up lately. I, myself, have the weirdest sense of deja vu. It’s as if I have lived this all before. Multiple times, even. I just can’t remember when.”


Turnbull has apologised for his unsound judgement and said he sympathises with Abbott.


“I can understand Tony’s anger at me being in there. It’s his private space. He very much likes everything to be in order. For example, right now everything is so delicately balanced that the slightest bump could cause some kind of terrible spill. If you know what I’m saying. If you get what I mean. If you’ve caught my drift on this issue.”


Turnbull reportedly spent the next few minutes winking and nudging our reporters.






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