The Backburner

6 Apr 2015 - 2:17 PM  UPDATED 6 Apr 2015 - 2:27 PM

Prince Harry landed in Sydney this morning to begin a month-long stint visiting a country that he somehow still owns for some reason.


The Prince, a British national who got the job without having to do anything, will be spending the month with Australia’s defence force, strutting about like he owns the place, because he does.


“It seemed fitting that the Prince should spend some time getting to know Australia, given that it’s a beautiful country that he owns because of some deeply antiquated medieval stuff with no place in a democratic society,” said a spokesperson for the royal family.


“It may seem ridiculous that a 30 year old man who has never had to prove himself in any way except dressing sharply, no longer wearing Nazi costumes and being polite would have ownership of a country that he’s never had anything to do with but, well: yes.”


Prince Harry told reporters that he is looking forward to taking a break: “Being a royal is much more taxing than it looks, being treated with cool deference and having everyone submit blindly to your orders isn’t as great as it sounds. Anyway, I look forward to spending a month as an officer in the military.”


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While poorly received by Australians who view the royals as a useless vestige of a ridiculously archaic and entirely non-functional system of government, fans of the royal family are delighted to have Harry in the country:


“There truly is something marvellous about the royal family. Such grandeur and ceremony, truly the last great bastion of dignity in a ghastly modern world. We can only hope that in the time he is here we can proudly add ourselves to the list of places the Prince has made a heavily publicized, alcohol-fuelled gaff.”


Harry claims he is proud to join forces with the Australian Military and claimed he would do whatever was necessary to earn himself a knighthood.


“It’s somewhat of a family tradition now. Kind of like how owning and ruling all of you is a family tradition. Also weird but important hats. We’re a fun group.”






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