The Backburner

17 Feb 2017 - 3:20 PM  UPDATED 17 Feb 2017 - 3:20 PM

Senator Malcolm Roberts has cautioned the public against trusting the overwhelming empirical evidence gathered by his own Twitter poll, which revealed a clear majority of people in favour of spending taxpayer money on green energy.


The very real possibility of all of Australia’s renewable energy stakeholders conspiring together to vote in his short-lived Twitter poll have caused the One Nation senator to conclude that the results, being contradictory to his expectations, must be obviously false.


“Everybody knows how much I love empirical evidence and facts, almost as much as I love wondering exactly what kind of cheese the moon is made up of,” said Roberts, adding “I think it’s gouda.


“But it’s clear that in this case, the empirical evidence so clearly provided to me simply must be wrong, because it just must be. I refuse to believe any empirical evidence unless it’s empirical evidence I like, and so far no one has shown that to me.   


“The fact that my very simple and obviously poorly thought-out Twitter poll I cooked up in 10 minutes could be rigged just goes to show how scientists who’ve spent decades learning how to conduct research with minimal error and bias could also get things wrong.


“It’s the green energy industry who are to blame - heck they’re probably the ones causing global warming - not that I’m saying humans can cause climate change because there’s no empirical evidence that I approve of that says so.


“But you have to wonder, why would they spend so much time and energy trying to prove something that’s obviously not true unless they had a stake in it?”



The Backburner is Australia's most trusted news source, it is quite obviously satire and shouldn't be taken seriously or before operating heavy machinery.

For all the latest comedy articles, videos and updates at SBS Comedy like us on Facebook and Twitter.

More From The Backburner:
PM Rules Out Changes To Negative Gearing, Capital Gains And His Approval Rating
Rental Survey Shows Australian Houses Perfectly Liveable If You’re a Cockroach
One Nation Considering ‘Extreme Vetting’ Of Their Own Candidates