We all know how lovely and talented Cate Blanchett is. If you don’t, it’s time to step outside and get some sun. She is an international treasure!
As with every awards season, there is a lot of Oscar buzz around her role in the Todd Haynes film Carol, which is already racking up award nominations and being celebrated by the Human Rights Campaign. Plus, she has a way with words, describing acting as not unlike a feral-cat massacre. And SBS has even dedicated a season to her movies.
In fact, people swear they’ve seen the actress flying around rescuing orphans and kittens from trees (yes, orphans can climb trees too).
So when Blanchett recently revealed that she would consider a cameo on American Horror Story, we could barely contain our excitement. Our Cate! On TV! The list of cameo possibilities is endless!
But we capped it at five:
Very clean postapocalyptic leader on The Walking Dead
I know this is a bit of a stretch since we can’t exactly see her as a part of Rick Grimes’ band of unwashed survivors (dirt and grit do not stick to her). But wouldn’t it be great to see her in the role of leader of some type of reformed government? And since the survivors of Alexandria are already situated near Washington, it wouldn’t be much of a walk to the nation’s capital where survivors would find Ms Blanchett sitting atop her throne in a newly rebuilt White House, hair perfectly done, smelling of perfume and hope.
Making anything edible on Food Network
Ms Blanchett most likely does not need to eat food for energy, but wouldn’t you want to see her create (and slowly eat) a meal? Italian cuisine can be messy, so I’m not interested in watching her slurp spaghetti or pound a breast (unless she’s performing CPR on a medical drama). But what about desserts? I’m willing to bet good money that Ms Blanchett can teach Curtis Stone a thing or two about Turkish Delight. Or in keeping with her role of raven-haired Russian spy Irina Spalko in Indiana Jones And the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, a decadent Kiev Cake which she uses her rapier sword to slice into eight perfectly symmetrical pieces.
Braving the cold in Fargo
This is one role in which both sides complement each other beautifully. On one hand, a superbly written drama. On the other a superbly talented actress who would undoubtedly master the gummy and notoriously complex mid-western American accent. The only drawback? The eternally frigid weather would bury our thespian queen under several inches of goose down and Lycra, separating the viewer from the radiance of her milky white skin and statuesque physique. But then again, her face framed around a woolly flapper hat would be a sight to behold. Not to mention Ms Blanchett’s ability to wrestle a bear in the woods if the role requires it.
Sultry serial killer in The Fall
Speaking of serial killers, let’s be real for a minute. How many times have we seen portly, insecure, unattractive serial killers dealing with “mommy issues”? If you run in my circles, then plenty. Isn’t it time for a serial killer able to kill with grace just as efficiently as with a hacksaw? Picture this: Gillian Anderson chases her killer down a dark alleyway and finds herself opposite our girl Cate, trapping her. Words are exchanged. Gillian says something clever along the lines of “I have you now”, then Ms Blanchett leaps onto Gillian. The two roll around on the ground for a long, long, long time. Sorry, what was I talking about?
Facing off against Khaleesi in Game of Thrones
Emilia Clarke’s Daenerys “Khaleesi” Targaryen’s character needs to be knocked down a few pegs. She’s been sitting in her throne room, drunk with dragon power for way too long. And despite the fact that we (spoiler) get a hint at the possibility of “things getting real” for Khaleesi’s character at the end of season five, wouldn’t it be great if things get real at the hands of someone like Ms Blanchett? Picture it. The Dothraki have a new queen. Someone who has come to them from a faraway. And that new queen is... the Elf Queen Galadriel! Turns out, she’s gotten sick of elves (notoriously boring “pretty boys” I’ve heard) and needs a little Dothraki in her life (then again, don't we all).
If any of these ideas appeal to you, I urge you to leave word in the comments section. Who knows, maybe Ms Blanchett will consider some of these ideas in earnest. Actually, I am told Ms Blanchett’s representatives are trying to get in touch with me as I write this. I hope it has something to do with the care package I sent her last week (mostly photos of me dressed as Galadriel for Halloween).