• The Bolt Report. (Channel Ten)Source: Channel Ten
Warning: the subject matter of this listicle is Andrew Bolt. We take no responsibility if the following piece results in existential crises amongst readers.
By
Jeremy Cassar

19 Jan 2016 - 5:37 PM  UPDATED 22 Jan 2016 - 6:24 AM

By now, we’re all aware that The Bolt Report has been relegated to the annals of television history (unless it gets picked up by Sky News).

To help us move through the grieving process, we’ve selected nine clips that encapsulate all the value his show has brought to public discourse. Enjoy!

 

1. Andrew Bolt and the predetermined argument.

No matter how many shades of grey Climate Commissioner Will Steffen throws at Bolt regarding global warming’s impact on rainfall, the ever-focused host asked leading questions and rephrased them until he heard his desired response.

 

2. Andrew Bolt uses Paris to rant about illegal immigration.

What begins as a relatively sober reaction to the Friday 13 attacks on the French capital quickly devolves into unqualified finger pointing. Bolt views a single illegal Jihadist as indicative of ISIS’ primary method of infiltrating the West.

 

3. Andrew Bolt tries to veer Tony Abbott even further right.

 

Bolt shamelessly and repeatedly places words in the former-PM’s mouth, at one point suggesting that emigrating Christian families should take precedence over their Muslim counterparts. Anyone that makes Tony Abbot seem more empathetic is scary as hell.

 

4. Andrew Bolt is finally referred to by his pseudonym – ‘Racist’.

One of Bolt’s favourite pastimes is criticising examples of underprivileged minority groups that receive any walk of benefit scheme, then claiming his opinion is held in the name of equality, or “anti-racism”.  Here, he’s called on it.

 

5. Andrew Bolt lets a guest call Indigenous women “cash cows" that are “kept pregnant”. 

There are no words.

 

6. Andrew Bolt uses Adam Goodes to go all anti-reconciliation on the nation’s ass.

Another of Bolt’s attempts to label empathy towards the Indigenous population as racial politics, while simultaneously claiming the booing of Goodes wasn’t at all racist. 

 

7. Andrew Bolt converses with a cute little Greens leader.

Bolt’s disdain for the Greens party oozed from every pore as he threw out underhanded and patronising jibes whenever possible. Though many claim the Greens leader, Richard Di Natale, owned Australia’s Bill O’Reilly, it’s difficult to tell, as both parties seem on separate trains of thought.

 

8. Andrew Bolt gives infrastructure a xenophobic spin.

Why conduct a genuine dialogue on Australia’s infrastructural conundrum when you can blame it all on population growth from immigration? Bolt takes to the interview with a one-track mind, bleating out anti-immigration propaganda in the form of questions.

 

9. Andrew Bolt defends his right to be Andrew Bolt.

It’s not easy being Bolt. He deserves to be Bolt without a pesky tribunal hearing or collective prayer for his soul. In this clip, Bolt conveniently confuses hate-speech with free speech. 

 

All of this perhaps begs the question... is Andrew Bolt actually a robot?

As the hidden message in the below image suggests, the answer is yes. Stay tuned for our exclusive expose: "BoltBot: A machine guilty of nothing but needing love".