• Emma and Eddie, one of the webcam couples from the first episode of Sex Diaries. (SBS)Source: SBS
How one man’s journey to save his family led him to start "doing it” on the Internet.
By
Frank Ponderosa

31 Mar 2016 - 12:24 PM  UPDATED 31 Aug 2016 - 1:42 PM

My relationship with my wife was pretty uneventful before we discovered webcamming. We had fallen into the routine (rut) most couples never anticipate before getting married. Work, tend to kids, Sunday night “missionary sex”, pay bills, repeat.

I’m not saying I wouldn’t marry my wife all over again, but I think if given another chance, I probably would have tried other things first. Maybe been a little more adventurous. But before I get myself in trouble with the Mrs and end up having to spend the night in my neighbour’s tree fort again, let me just say that broadcasting our sex lives on the internet changed our lives in ways few can possibly imagine. It didn’t just awaken the sexual beast in my wife and I, it made me a better person, husband, neighbour, friend and entrepreneur. 

It didn’t just awaken the sexual beast in my wife and I, it made me a better person, husband, neighbour, friend and entrepreneur. 

Like the webcam couples in episode one of Sex Diaries (airing in three parts on Mondays - April 4, 11, 18 - on SBS and SBS On Demand), I wanted to share myself with the world. But when my wife and I decided to broadcast our sex life, we were met with judgment. Trollers on our site would call us “perverts” or “fat pigs”, but we kept broadcasting, and today have a loyal following of over 132 fans. It’s been a little over a year now and my life has improved exponentially.

Here’s how…

 

1. I’m a better listener

We don’t actually speak to our fans, we read their chats in real time. Sometimes those chats are requests or compliments, but each line of text forces us to stop and really consider the comment as its own form of curiosity. One time a fan asked us if we’d ever had sex in a public place, like the zoo. My wife and I looked at each other and realized the irony of that question – at the time, we were already in a monkey cage in our basement!

 

2. The morale of my employees has gone through the roof

I have 12 employees at a well-respected condiment manufacturing plant. When the wife and I first started webcamming, business was slow and morale was low. Obviously, we were novices and didn’t share our secret with locals. But when one of my employees showed up at my home with some paperwork for me to sign and caught my wife and I in latex body suits, I had to explain myself. It could have been awkward for everyone but it wasn’t.

In fact, it was a great relief to that employee that we “knew how to party”. Word got around, morale skyrocketed, and today most of my employees watch us on a daily basis. We’re even entertaining the notion of doing a “shoot” on the factory floor on a mountain of tomato sauce packets (they would all be disposed of afterwards, I assure you).

Trollers on our site would call us “perverts” or “fat pigs”, but we kept broadcasting, and today have a loyal following of over 132 fans.

3. Everyday love making has improved like nobody’s business

Let’s get one thing straight. When we’re on camera, we’re doing it like champs and chimps. Chimp champs. It’s fun and exciting and full of all types of primal craziness. But when the camera is off and the mood hits us just right (like when we’re washing the car or doing house work), then we know it’s time for dirty business to become sweet, sweet love making. I light candles, put on some early Dannii Minogue and it’s on. 

 

4. Webcamming gets me “high” like no drug ever could

Forget HGH, bath salts, jimjams, cockroach or whatever you young people are using to heighten sex these days. There is nothing more adrenaline-inducing and endorphin-triggering than doing the dirty on camera. Imagine the feeling that you get when you steal an expensive DSLR camera from Dick Smith (RIP) and step outside without the alarm going off. For a split second, your heart beats out of your chest and you feel like you can take on the world. Now imagine stretching that feeling out for 15-20 minutes. That’s my reality. 

 

5. I’m extremely confident

I’ll be the first to tell you I’m not exactly “in shape”. In fact, I’m probably what you would call “fat”. I’m also very pale and have a fair amount of red “speckling” on my backside from ingrown hairs. My wife is also very insecure. While she’s gorgeous to me, she doesn’t always have time for proper “lady maintenance”. That means the hedges don’t always get pruned. And yet, the love from our loyal and adoring fans always make us feel as attractive as any movie star.

... when the camera is off and the mood hits us just right... we know it’s time for dirty business to become sweet, sweet love making. I light candles, put on some early Dannii Minogue and it’s on. 

6. My wife has become a wildcat in the bed

Twice now I’ve had to visit the emergency room with deep scratches she’s left on my back. She just loses all control knowing that others are watching, turning into a wild and insatiable animal with a hunger for the primal. Scratches heal, but the sensation of her biting the nipple ring out of my chest as I climax is something I’ll never forget.

 

7. I’m finally getting invited to parties

While we’re not exactly popular when it comes to the more prudish section of our community (church, community theatre, Dick Smith stores), we do get invited to all types of cool parties. It was a bit awkward in the beginning, I must admit, weeding out those who wanted us for our company versus those who only invited us because they thought we were crazy sex maniacs would put on a show on their coffee table if given enough wine.

But after clarifying that we are just a normal couple who would only do that sort of thing in our own home, those crazy expectations seem to have subsided. 

 

8. I’m not shy anymore

For 17 hours a day my wife and I bare our souls to the world. There’s a beautiful and cathartic simplicity in that. If I have nothing to hide, then I have no reason to lie, no reason to put up walls that keep people from getting to know the real me, ass speckles and all.

So when I can’t attend your kid’s party because I just don’t feel like it, I won’t make up an excuse, I’ll just tell the truth: I can’t make it to your kid’s party because I hurt myself last night trying to do the “helicopter” on the wife. 

When I can’t attend your kid’s party because I just don’t feel like it, I won’t make up an excuse, I’ll just tell the truth: I can’t make it to your kid’s party because I hurt myself last night trying to do the “helicopter” on the wife. 

9. The extra cash certainly doesn’t hurt

While we don’t charge viewers, we do take tips for special requests. And we get a lot of them. Some are fairly harmless. “Kiss her...”, “Lick him...”, “Put a pumpkin on his head”…

But others are downright disturbing and off the table. However, if the money is right and we’re not physically hurting anyone but each other, we’ll give it a whirl. Literally. Not to harp on the “helicopter” move, but that is not something I will do again. Sorry @MakeitgosquirtMcGee, but you want an acrobat, not a fat, middle aged man.

 

10. We are helping people

One day, I received an anonymous donation from a couple in America. Let’s call them the “Feldmans”. The Feldmans revealed how boring their sex life was and how our broadcast helped them “come out of her shells”. They said they wanted the courage to ask their nanny to join them for a threesome. We offered the advice we’d offer anyone. 1) make sure the kids are out of the house, 2) dress provocatively, 3) offer wine, 4) flirt while dancing, and 5) ask candidly and explicitly while dancing.

While it didn’t work out for the Feldmans, our advice has worked out for countless of others. Mr. Feldman, I truly hope the court throws out the restraining order on you and the Mrs.

 

DISCLAIMER: Frank Ponderosa is a pseudonym. The author is known to SBS but he has preferred to remain anonymous given his sordid past and poor life choices. What can never be called into question, however, is his passion for SBS programming. 

 

A three part series, Sex Diaries premieres with “Webcam Couples” on Monday, 4 April at 9:35pm (AEDT) on SBS. All episodes will be available on SBS On Demand after they air.