• DJ Khaled and his sneakers on 'Noisey'. (SBS)Source: SBS
Fake cocaine, champagne facials, sausage contests... there's a lot going on in this show.
Jim Mitchell

7 Mar 2017 - 3:53 PM  UPDATED 8 Mar 2017 - 9:11 AM

Noisey host Zach Goldbaum has seen his fair share of crazy goings-on filming two series so far of the music documentary. It all goes with the blinged-up territory but surely even he couldn’t have imagined he’d be witness to grinding lessons, bikini clad models having “sausage contests” and $US275,000 champagne facials amongst other oddities – or really any of these insane moments from the show…


Learning to grind

In São Paulo, Brazil, Goldbaum meets up with baile funk star MC Bin Laden (yep) and his 13-year-old colleague MC Brinquedo. In a lost-in-translation moment, MC Bin Laden asks Goldbaum if he’s had a chance to “grind” on any women yet. The host says he hasn’t which leaves MC Bin Laden with the impression he doesn’t know how to “grind”.

Enter MC Brinquedo rapping some of his very own lyrics: “Grind, grind your **** on them cause they like it / Grind, grind your **** on them cause they….” Did we mention he’s only 13?

The MCs demonstrate grinding with a circumnavigating wiggling motion of the pelvis and what else is there for Goldbaum to do but join in?


Young Thug refuses to appear in his own very un-PC music video

While filming season two, the Noisey crew waited 10 hours for rapper Young Thug to arrive at the LA mansion set for his $US100,000 music video shoot for single “Wyclef Jean”.

The concept for the music video is eclectic to say the least. There are mini luxury cars, and kids dressed as mini policemen. There’s girls in short shorts and motorbike helmets bashing a police car (a big one) with baseball bats, and two scantily clad women playing Lady and the Tramp with what appears to be a giant uncooked sausage.

When the rapper finally does arrive on set he refuses to get out of his car because someone has hacked his Instagram account. With the shoot cancelled, Goldbaum eventually gets to “interview” Young Thug the next day. He tells the host he doesn’t much like doing interviews.


F-boys and sneakers

Goldbaum visits Miami and the palatial home of the spirited DJ Khaled who attempts to explain to him what he’s trying to convey with his music.

“I try to promote love and peace and good energy, good vibes. You know what I’m sayin’? I believe in good vibes,” he says. “Who wanna be around a f*ckboy? Who wanna be around a f*ckboy? Who wanna be around a f*ckboy? I don’t.” Goldbaum, the bespectacled white boy looks on bemused. He doesn’t wanna be around a f*ckboy either, whatever that means.

Meanwhile, it turns out DJ Khaled has three rooms of sneakers that are said to be priceless. A 15-year-old kid who apparently makes six figures as a celebrity sneaker shopper procures them for him.


This 'champagne facial' phenomenon certainly appears to be, as they say, problematic

In Las Vegas exploring the booming Electronic Dance Music scene and the fresh injection of wealth to the city it has brought, Goldbaum visits playground of the rich Drai’s Beach Club.

Here, he witnesses girls in bikinis having “champagne facials.” If you’re feeling thrifty you can have a $US275,000 bottle of Ace of Spades poured over you in a pool rather than, say, drinking it, and go home with a happy snap to show mum and dad taken by a photographer called “Slut Whisperer”. Nothing says Vegas like a champagne facial.


Fake cocaine, real porn stars


Back in Miami, Goldbaum found himself leading a surreal double life on the shoot of a music video for hip hop artist Stitches. Surrounded by female porn stars, he became a surrogate production assistant and coke dealer combining sugar and flour into bags to look like bricks of cocaine and tossing them into the pool.

Then… the video shoot was shut down and the crew was run out of the rental house.


Noisey, season 2 airs on Tuesdays at 8:30pm on SBS VICELAND. Missed the last episode? Watch it right here:

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