• All-wise and all-knowing Jenny Law. (SBS)
The Family Law wouldn’t be the show it is without its matriarch and her many pearls of wisdom. Here are 10 of her best quotes.
By
Sarah Ward

15 May 2017 - 11:01 AM  UPDATED 22 Jan 2019 - 8:08 PM

Frank, feisty, constantly doting on her kids — and constantly embarrassing them too: that’s Jenny Law (Fiona Choi) in a nutshell. We all fell in love with Jenny on The Family Law, watching her face the daily chaos of raising five kids, while dispensing wisdom in the most inappropriate of ways.

Filled with malapropisms and often revealing too much, here’s ten of her most memorable pearlers.

On childbirth

“Can you imagine squeezing a lemon out of your penis hole?”

“The poor turkey, so spread open. If anyone knows what it feels like…”

 

On sex

“Asian vaginas are smaller. Fun for them, pain for you!”

 

 

On raising teenage boys

“Tell your brother no more dirty sperm sheets — it’s like poaching eggs in the washing machine.”

 

On her love for her family

“I’m the mummy wallaby, and you can all be my baby wallabies because you come from my big, furry…. pouch.”

 

“They’re not mistakes — well, except for Michelle. I should’ve had my tubes tied earlier.”

 

On watching her kids grow up

“He treats me like I pooed my pants in front of his friends. What will happen when I’m 90 and I actually poo my pants?”

 

On technology

“Why put it on the internet for every hairy dick and fanny to see?”

 

On finding inspiration

“I just closed my eyes and let them all come on me.”

 

On new beginnings

“It’s time to spread my flaps.”

 

All three seasons of The Family Law are streaming now via SBS On Demand:

More on The Guide:
And the winner of the Eurovision Song Contest is...
The votes are in and we're headed to Portugal for Eurovision 2018.
SBS On Demand now supports Chromecast for iOS
Have an iPhone? Is there a Chromecast plugged into the back of your TV? You'll be streaming SBS On Demand with just the press of a button.
What do Americans think of AFL?
An episode of 'Rivals' provides a US perspective on Aussie rules.
7 insane things you should know about ABBA
From surviving a bomb threat in Perth to being paid in oil commodities, these guys never stopped winning.