• Who wants to squeeze Batman's, er, trigger? (eBay)Source: eBay
Holy excess stock, Batman!
By
Evan Valletta

19 Dec 2017 - 12:35 PM  UPDATED 19 Dec 2017 - 12:35 PM

As the camp-fest that is Batman continues to sock it to us on SBS VICELAND, we were inspired to disappear down an internet rabbit hole to check out some of the bizarre merchandise associated with the Caped Crusader. And by "disappear down an internet rabbit hole", we mean "spend countless hours and thousands of dollars on eBay".

 

Batman snuggie

Complete with a nifty hood, this wearable full-body blanket screams, “I could kick your backside even in relaxation mode." Exactly what this snuggie looks like from the back remains a delightful mystery. 

 

Batman leg lamp

Batman-themed lamp? Sure. Batman-themed lamp with a base made out of his leg? Not so sure. This bedside gem was apparently modelled after a featured lamp in 1983’s A Christmas Story, which obviously made some semblance of sense to someone.

 

Batman hamster house

Did you know that pet hamsters are not only cognisant of pop culture, but possess a penchant for housing built in the illustrious era of DC architecture? Bonus: as stated on the packaging, this feature-packed cage is not limited to hamsters and can also accommodate your pet gerbil. 

 

Batman and Joker guitars

Only a rivalry as storied as theirs would produce dueling guitars such as these…

 

Batman recliner

When combined with the Batman snuggie, this recliner turns any average living room into a badass eyesore for the ages. This purchase comes with the guarantee that you’ll never again be asked, “Are you into Batman?”

 

Batman burger

If you’re ever in Marina Bay Sands, Singapore, then be sure to pop into the DC Comics Super Heroes Café for an intricately themed meal. With its black bun and external cut of cheese in the shape of the Batsignal, this burger promises to make a violent action scene out of your digestive system.

 

Batman and Robin toothbrush holder... where is Batman's hand?!?!?!

At first glance, there’s nothing overly bizarre about this vintage toothbrush, as anything that give kids the drive to brush their teeth is a good thing. Upon closer look, however, Robin’s awkward stance and Batman’s hand positioning (seen here from the rear) lends the product an overriding air of discomfort. We’re not sure what’s going on.

 

Batman condom

I suppose one could view these kooky prophylactics as kind of motivational, but I doubt anyone other than a rabid fan would go out of their way to track down a packet. The internet is remaining tight-lipped on whether these condoms actually exist or whether the Joker got his hands on the latest version of Photoshop.

 

Batman water gun

The pièce de résistance of bad Batman merch comes out of 1960s Japan in the form of an ill-considered toy pistol modelled after the late, great Adam West. If you dare, watch this vid for a more thorough review.

 

Batman dildos

A designer in Poland with particular taste decided to design a range of Batman-themed sex toys. If you haven’t just eaten lunch, you can find the NSFW images of each product in the range here.

 

Watch Batman: The Movie on Monday, 25 December at 6:45pm on SBS VICELAND. 

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