In the first episode of Slutever season two, host Karley Sciortino investigates what polyamorous relationships are, who has them and how to sidestep the jealousy part.
Sciortino laments that she once had a polyamorous relationship but couldn’t get past her jealousy, so thought it probably wasn’t for her. But other people really struggle with monogamy and find the expectations attached to it pretty unrealistic. Could it be that monogamy is just an ambitious myth embedded in and perpetuated by social norms?
Author and dating expert Kerri Sackville thinks there’s no one type of relationship that’s right for everyone – it’s more about the honesty within the relationship. She says, “The worst problem is deception, and whether you choose to be in a monogamous relationship or in an open or polyamorous relationship and workshop or talk through your challenges, that’s going to be the best option.”
To get to the bottom of the intricacies of how poly love can work, Sciortino visits Effie Blue, a polyamorous relationship coach who runs an event each month called Polyamory 101. After polite introductions and a quick discussion with the event’s polyamorous panel, Effie explains what “polycules” are and uses a whiteboard to illustrate the different manifestations of the polycule.
Starting with drawing and explaining a “V” – the most simple polycule where one person dates two different people – Effie then moves into detailing some more complicated poly relationships as she draws their corresponding geometrical shape. The whiteboard fills up with the interconnecting lines and dots of triads, throttles, Zs and squares, the workings of which become more and more complex.
“Being slutty is randomly complicated,” a bemused Sciortino ponders from her seat in the audience.
Destroying jealousy with compersion... sorry, with what?
But what about the jealousy that inevitably arises for a lot of people who are not in an exclusive relationship? Well, Sciortino discovers that you can feel jealous or alternatively you can confront your jealousy and learn to feel “compersion” for your partner. That’s right, we all need to get down with more compersion in our lives.
Eventually arriving in the realm of compersion can apparently be assisted via the practice of compersion wrestling – where you watch your primary partner wrestling another person within their polycule and attempt to identify and exterminate any adverse emotions that pop into your head during your observation of their intimate bodily contact.
Poly love is big on using mysteriously indiscriminate words and concepts. But where do you get the time to learn all this and still be an active part of a throttle?
Poly Love time management
According to Sierra, who is one part of a triad with her long-term partner Alec and poly love newbie Marcus, excellent time management skills and communication are necessities in a polyamorous lifestyle. But Sciortino ponders, if you do want to take the investigative plunge into poly love, “how in the world do you find multiple people you can stand hanging out with” let alone want to be polyamorous with?
Speed dating, polyamorous style
So off we go to “Hacienda poly speed dating” where there is only one rule and it’s a good one – consent. Here, the participants are all adults and get to choose the lifestyle they want for themselves rather than conforming to something that has been chosen for them. And what’s wrong with that? Sounds pretty reasonable, really.
Season two of Slutever premieres with a double episode on Tuesday, 16 April at 9:30 pm on SBS VICELAND.