THE WORST MOVIES OF 2014 (in alphabetical order)
Despite a lengthy running time, there's no time for facts, culture or character arcs, in this patchy rework of a fabled Japanese story of heroism and sacrifice. Russell Edwards summed it up when he called it: "lacklustre, stupid and that worst of cinematic crimes—dull".
Richard Ayoade knows his film history and he goes to great lengths to make sure you know that he knows it too. His Kafkaesque doppelgänger dramedy, The Double, is made under the sign of Gilliam, and Welles, and Lynch. That's fine, but it would make for a better movie if he did something more, or even something interesting, with the idea of an evil twin usurping your identity.
Not everything that glitters is gold, folks, especially not this silly saga of a tragic princess. On paper it probably looked like a great idea: Cast this generation's Grace Kelly in the story of how Hitchcock's muse chucked it all in for a luxe life, which in practice, didn't fit the template of a fairytale. What could go wrong? Plenty, in the hands of a ham-fisted director who couldn't translate his one idea into a workable story, and who couldn't elicit the required vulnerability from his leading lady, to make a late film transformation into a perfumed steamroller stick. Dumb, camp, hilarious, terrible.
When you set yourself the challenge to pump out a new movie every 12 months, as Woody Allen has for the last 30 years, it stands to reason that you'll have an off year. And that's certainly true of his recent output. For every Moonlight in Paris, there's a To Rome With Love. Every Match Point has its Snoop. And lo, after Blue Jasmine we got Magic In The Moonlight. Woody pulls a few hoary old rabbits out of his hat to weave spirituality into a May-December romance between Colin Firth and Emma Stone, which felt as phony as the charlatan she portrayed.
Hoo boy. What a head scratcher. Colin Farrell put in double duty as a time-shifting thief in this nonsensical adaptation of a much-loved novel. His love for a sweaty, consumptive damsel apparently did something to set off a battle between Good and Evil that was orchestrated by a snarly Will Smith. And a white-winged horsey sprung up to stare down a tic-faced Russell Crowe. A shocker from go to woe.
Now it's your turn. What gets your vote for the worst movies of the year?
Tell us below.
Need some help? Here's a guide to what came out in 2014
How we voted
Our team of critics each nominated their favourite films of the year, and films that rated three or more votes made it on the list. Simple. Participants were: Craig Mathieson, Rochelle Siemonowicz, Shane Danielsen, Fiona Williams, Peter Galvin, Lynden Barber, Russell Edwards and Eddie Cockrell.