'Aluta' left her partner after years of physical and emotional abuse. As the man of the house he felt he should control what she wore, the money she spent and who she talked to. Tensions escalated after they moved to Australia, where he struggled with the idea of sharing responsibility for the children and chores. 'Aluta' says family violence is more of an accepted thing in African communities. She says she lost a lot of friends when she left her partner, as women are supposed to stick it out.
Arman and Atena Abrahimzadeh
Arman and Atena’s mother was murdered by their father Ziaollah in 2010. He was seen as a 'pillar" of the Afghan community in Adelaide, but at home was very controlling and abusive. The violence happened behind closed doors until 2009 when Zioallah threatened to burn the house and kill his family. They then took out an intervention order and fled to safety. Atena says her father’s fear of losing control over them caused him to murder their mother.
Tui grew up in Samoa surrounded by violence. As an angry young man he was getting into fights on the streets and at home. He didn't see himself as an abusive partner because he never physically hurt his wife. He later realised verbal abuse could do a lot more damage. The turning point for him was having his own son and realising the cycle of violence needed to stop. Now he helps other men confront their violence.
Gary and Muriel Campbell
Three years ago Gary took the plunge and confronted his violent behaviour. He and his wife Muriel grew up surrounded by abuse. There’s been many incidents of violence over the years, with the cops coming round and Muriel escaping to a refuge on occasion. Gary says the hardest things for him to change was quitting grog and accepting responsibility for his actions.
Rod and Julieanne Beckham
Though Rod is a changed man he still struggles with his anger. He abused his wife Julieanne emotionally and psychologically to the point where she felt suicidal. Rod was raised in a country town and believed a man should be a 'rock’ and never share his feelings. He thinks this, combined with expectations around what a good wife should do, led to his abusive behaviour.