• Cover of The Daily Telegraph Tuesday 4 October 2016 (The Daily Telegraph)
COMMENT | As the Cronulla Sharks bask in the glory of their very first premiership win, the Daily Telegraph - for some reason - wants to remind everyone that their home ground is near the suburb of Kurnell. Because, 'discovered'.
By
Sophie Verass

4 Oct 2016 - 3:40 PM  UPDATED 4 Oct 2016 - 6:07 PM

It was a sensational win for the rugby league club who have had their fair share of tough times over the past 50 years. What with not ever having taken a premiership win before, suffering major financial trouble and having to take out loan from the NSWRL like they're borrowing money from their parents and of course, that embarrassing time a number of players in the 2013 team were found doping. 

It's not surprising that this victory is a big moment for Cronulla Sharks fans. But according to the Sharks' coach, Shane Flanagan, it's so big in fact, it parallels the British invasion.

The Daily Telegraph thinks so too and has commemorated the pretty much identical historical events on the front cover of their always factually accurate tabloid. Because everyone knows how winning an annual football final in 2016 is like pulling up in an 18th Century ship, stepping out onto Tharawal land in little 18th Century leather boots and claiming possession of the East Coast of Australia for the British empire under the doctrine of 'terra nullius'. 

The headline, "Biggest thing since Captain Cook" is on the newspaper cover, boldly placed upon a photo of the team and their fans in celebration. It's probably the biggest thing planted on top of a group of people since the Union Jack flag. 

It demonstrates responsible journalism at it's best - what better way to profile a community that has spent the last 10 years rebuilding social cohesion after local Anglo men wearing Australian flags as capes attacked Middle Eastern residents while chanting "F*** off W**s!", than to reference an event that's not at all inclusive. It's probably the biggest insult published by The Daily Telegraph to Aboriginal people since they claimed that UNSW's diversity toolkit was 'rewriting the history books'.  

Outrage As University Teaches History Correctly.
 

The link of a shared geographical location may be tenuous, but surely Flanagan won't notice when merchandise sales are now going through the roof and pats on the back will last until the next season, at least. Sure, this glory only means something to the fans and followers of the NRL and perhaps a handful of patriotic Sydneysiders, as opposed to everyone affected by the complexities of April 1770, but c'mon, just look at that shiny trophy.

Flanagan's words is like dubiously and inappropriately comparing...

North Queensland Cowboys 2015 win is the biggest thing since sediment from industry farms began polluting the Great Barrier Reef 

 

Melbourne Storm 2012 win is the biggest thing since John Batman's ad hoc treaty that took advantage of the local Aboriginal people's limited English and saw the deaths of almost an entire clan group

Explainer: What is a treaty?
A look at what a treaty is and how the adoption of a treaty might change the political landscape for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples.

 

St George-Illawarra Dragons 2010 win is the biggest thing since the Bombo Beach shark attack

 

Newcastle Knights 2001 win is the biggest thing since it was a penal colony

 

 

Brisbane Broncos 1998 win is the biggest thing since the 'Brisbane Line' plan to abandon Northern Australia in the event of a Japanese invasion

 

With Cronulla being home to Puberty Blues, HQ of season four's Australia's Next Top Model, that reality TV show that was meant to be Australia's (unsuccessful) answer to 'The Hills' and dozens of presenters and soap opera actors, if anything, the club should take cue from its residents. In the words of Lara Bingle, a born and bred Cronulla local, "So, where the bloody hell are ya?". Not in 1770.  


 

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