I have always thought that the people who are 'into me' were attracted to be because of how hot I am and also, possibly, my winning personality. But footballer Sam Thaiday let us know that actually, attraction to black women is a temporary condition known as "jungle fever". According to the well-known racial and medical authority Urban Dictionary, “jungle fever” is basically when white people are into black people. Jungle fever symptoms include - but are not limited to - finding black women hot and probably also a temperature. Thaiday’s case may be the first known case of jungle fever between black people. Other noted sufferers of jungle fever include Rachel Dolezal.
As debilitating as jungle fever is, there is no need to despair. There is a cure! As Thaiday himself has informed us, it is just a phase. I can only pray that all who suffer jungle fever have a speedy recovery.
Although it has taken me an embarrassing 26 years to realise that I am just a phase that people will thankfully outgrow, it also made me wonder what else have I foolishly thought was 'normal' but in fact was, just a phase?
1. Being really good at dancing
I don’t know about you, but I’m a really good dancer. And not to be 'racist', but so are most of the black people I know. I have always put this down to being black because the world had to bestow us something to make up for the lifetime of trauma. Sadly, for everyone who happens to be lucky enough to be at the club at 3 am while I twerk, this is just a phase.
2. Connection to country
Very possibly the world's longest phase, I thought the sense of responsibility to the land we come from was a cornerstone part of our cultural values, my bad! Turns out it's just a phase. A 60, 000 plus year phase...
3. Dying earlier than white people
You might have heard that black people die about ten years earlier than non-black people. People have made a bit of a scene about it. There’s a whole bunch of policies about it, a day for it, Oxfam have been flogging it for years, the Prime Minister even has to make a speech about it (if you’ve missed the last five years - tl;dr “we haven’t improved things guys.”) All of these people have wasted their time though, it’s just a phase!
4. Having a big black family
I have approximately five grandmothers and three fathers (that I’m aware of). I always thought it was just a part of being black to have such a big family. Little did I know this has all just been a phase.
5. Devon and tomato sauce sandwiches
Oh, you thought your culinary taste was culturally engrained? You thought you’d be sucking salty plums for the rest of your life? You thought you liked your Nan’s chicken curry because it was comforting and delicious? You thought devon and tomato sauce sandwiches were a timeless classic that would have to be prised out of your cold dead hands? You thought wrong. You’ll move on to kale before you know it.
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