They'll get you through until Santa squeezes his butt down your chimney.
By
Dan. A.K.A Dankmilk

29 Nov 2016 - 5:16 PM  UPDATED 1 Dec 2016 - 1:51 PM

What up Victims,

That time of the year is getting closer. XMAS IS ON ITS WAY!!

I’m excited. Not because there’s gonna be a fat guy in a red suit squeezing his butt down our non-existent chimney, but because the working year will be over and the holiday festivities begin. This usually means a lot of parties, swimming, barbeque’s and watching some of the best (and cheesiest) Xmas movies ever.

Xmas movies are the new Xmas album (sorry Buble)...

Each year, we have more and more Xmas themed movies being released, which rely on an all-star cast and a heavy level of comedy (usually inappropriate crude humour). This year will be no different. 

To say I'm a sucker for a decent Xmas movie is an understatement.

My soul isn't exactly warm and loving. Deep down I'm quite an evil being with intentions to scare. So no, I’m not a fan of heartfelt, warm fuzzy movies. But a story about an (almost always) drunk robber who poses as Santa and befriends a kid named Thurman Merman is the kind of Xmas movie I get excited for.

I saw Bad Santa 2

I liked it. Not because the story is amazing, or because it’s packed full of action and romance, but because it isn't.

I liked it because it has many shocking moments, the humour is super crude, there are laughs to be had, Billy Bob plays the perfect drunk uncle you wish you never had and it even has a touching moment (or two).

The best thing about Bad Santa 2 is that it doesn't set the bar high and it doesn't make you expect something amazing. *cough* Suicide Squad *cough*

 

As it 'tis the season, here's five other (not so warm and fuzzy) Xmas movies to get you through 'til Santa squeezes his butt down your chimney:

5. Silent Night. Deadly Night

This one is an oldie, but a goodie

Silent Night. Deadly Night tells the story of a guy who had a rough upbringing. Billy Chapman is an orphan who has some major issues.  He witnessed the murder of his parents. Not just by anyone, but by a Santa suit-clad madman on Christmas Eve. Now eighteen and out of the brutal grip of orphanage nuns, Billy is forced to confront his greatest fear, which sends him on a rampage, leaving a crimson trail in the snow behind him.

I wouldn't call this a classic as much as I’d call this a good reason to get friends together for a night of old crappy movies. Well worth your time on an unorganised Christmas night.

4. Bad Santa

Without spoiling the whole story in just one line, I'm going to give you a very brief description of the first Bad Santa: "Can I fix you some sandwiches?"

3. Krampus

This Xmas story is all about a boy, and a demon.

When Xmas time at Max’s place becomes nothing more than an unfestive snowstorm, he turns his back on Xmas. This in turn summons an Xmas demon, who pays a visit to any non-believers.

It's a surprisingly good movie with a slight cult following. The story of Krampus has been around for a long, long time and is definitely worth a watch.

2. Gremlins

Three simple rules: Don't expose him to bright light. Don't ever get him wet. And don't ever, ever feed him after midnight.

In this film, an inventor is searching for the perfect Xmas present for his son. He finds Gizmo, a cute little Mogwai that has some serious side effects when not taken care of properly...

1. Office Christmas Party

This movie has yet to hit cinemas. It’s number one on my list because it’s destined to either be a very entertaining Xmas movie or become a massive flop.

This movie focuses on the office Xmas party and the “shenanigans” that can follow after a few too many eggnogs. So much potential, and yet so many chances to fail.

 - Dan.

And more (you can watch on SBS On Demand):

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