If this isn’t your first time at the rodeo, you’ll already know the basics to creating ‘optimal TV binge conditions’: snacks, the cover of darkness (blackout curtains), snacks, a couch, more snacks. But to binge like a Viking requires commitment, forward planning and above all, gusto. We suggest stepping up your normal binge-protocol to ensure it’s Viking worthy. If you want to binge big this weekend (and now that Ragnar is king, we say Treat Yo’ Self) we recommend taking the following steps to secure victory.
All social engagements previously committed to before this Vikings Season 1 & 2 binge announcement are now null and void. Start back peddling. Workmate's baby shower? You’ve suddenly come down with the flu. Nephew’s piano recital? You’ve got gastro. Better stay home and “sleep it off”.
Upgrade your Vikings TV binge cave to first class and set the mood with (faux) fur rugs fit for a Viking king. Let the power rush to your head as you sprawl out on an animal-like cloud of comfort. Retain an air of (faux) warrior pride associated with the hunt.
Imagine a Vikings-style last supper. Ask yourself, What Would Ragnar Do? It’s time to go hog wild. Through legal means only (we strongly advise against raiding or pillaging) acquire all the cured meat, cheese, salty snacks and ale you can physically fit into your binge cave. Hoard like you’re about to face a long winter. In the absence of drinking horns, any long vessel will suffice. Forget forks and stab hunks of food with a blunt knife. Eat until you fall into a cheese coma that inhibits fast movement, but allows you to keep watching. Rinse, repeat.
CALL ON ALLIANCES:
Invite a trusted wing man/woman who won’t pass judgment when you haven’t showered in 72 hours and are covered in food crumbs. While you’re busy bingeing, ensure they stay ‘presentable’ to answer the door or enter the Real World on your behalf to deal with: visitors / couriers / routine fire drills / jury duty.
WATCH THE THRONE:
Stock up on toilet paper. Don’t be caught out by this TV-binge-rookie error. Because, DRINKS. Also, TEARS. As you weep over the rich storytelling, beautifully shot battle scenes and Ragnar and Rollo’s sculpted cheekbones, you’ll retain a modicum of ‘Vikings hardcore’ when that rough toilet-paper scratches your face.
SEND WORD TO FELLOW CLAN:
In the absence of runes, inform loved ones via modern-day comms that you won’t be contactable for the next 72 hours. If you plan to take the week off work, lay the ground-work for your fake illness now (see: Sweet Betrayal). Where you’re going, no one will find you.
PREPARE YOUR SACRIFICES:
Sleep, personal hygiene, social life – consider these all expendable items to be used as a sacrifice to show your true commitment to the cause. These sacrifices will no doubt please the TV Gods and ensure that your chosen streaming device has long and full internet access, lasting battery power and that a charger will always be within arm’s reach - so that you don’t have to get up.