Eurovision is known for it’s unique, flamboyant, and often highly distracting back-up performers. A good Eurovision backing dancer or singer should ideally flaunt downright scandalous costumes, over-the-top choreography and somewhat questionable vocals. Luckily in Australia we’ve got plenty of artists on offer with just such qualities! Here’s our list.
Australia’s own viking metal band put their hand up to represent us, when Oz was announced as a contender. As something of a local equivalent to 2006’s Finnish death-metal winners, Lordi, the group could make the perfect accompanist to Guy. With their terrifying costumes and theatrical performances they would no doubt prove to be highly distracting from front-man Guy.
She’s one of Australia’s most popular musical exports at the moment and though she’s got a powerful set of pipes that might compete with Guy’s, the notoriously camera-shy singer is rather fond of staying at the back of the set and hiding her face! So Sia could well make for the perfect backing accompanist, allowing any good front-man to keep all the glory for themselves – like this performance at this year’s Grammys where dancers Kristen Wiig and Maddie Ziegler stole the show!
With our legacy of Aboriginal culture dating back over forty thousand years, it’s really essential that Australia include some kind of Indigenous element in our entry. Who better to do that on the European stage than the iconic Chooky Dancers? Few others manage to so seamlessly integrate traditional elements of dance with hyped-up Euro-pop dance remixes of Zorba the Greek!
Kath and Kel
The golden couple from Fountain Lakes are of course so renowned for their dancing prowess that they’ve even been featured as special guests on Seven’s Dancing with the Stars. The only question is, would their performance be deemed too sexually provocative for the International stage? Only one way to find out…
Thunder From Downunder
Shirtlessness and raw unbridled sexuality are two qualities highly valued in a Eurovision backup dancer. So who better to give Guy Sebastian’s performance a provocative edge than this team of Vegas’ finest doing their thing as back-up dancers?
This trio of Aussie Girls were single-handedly responsible for re-launching Queen’s 'Bohemian Rhapsody' back into the charts with their dash cam video of them lip-synching passionately along to it in their car going viral with over 20 million views. Passionate lip-synching is of course a highly valued quality in a Eurovision backing artist, so this trio could be perfect!
Coordinated costumes, bright colours, easily replicated dance moves, singing ability and blind enthusiasm – these Aussie heroes have got it all! What’s surprising really is that they haven’t already performed at Eurovision… and won.
The Amazing Dancing Police Officer!
When this video of a NSW police officer letting loose and dancing with an older man at a PCYC event in Sydney went viral, she was saluted by many as a true blue Aussie hero. And we Aussies are proud of our folks in uniform, so with moves like these why not send some of the boys and girls in blue to dance along behind Guy?
Australia’s preeminent drama teacher and musical theatre expert certainly knows how to put on a glamorous show (as seen here at the TV Week Logie Awards). He could be just the thing to accompany Guy Sebastian. He would likely take over the whole thing, but then Eurovision dancers are known for their scene-stealing abilities.
White Man Dancing
As taught by Nazeem Hussain and Ronny Chieng on Legally Brown, who better to represent our rich Australian history of appalling white-man dancing at suburban weddings and dance eisteddfods? Obviously, the Hawaiian shirts tucked into high-waisted acid wash jeans would be a vital part of the costume too!