Ahead of this year’s event, let’s recap some sartorial blunders that have “nightmare” written all over them.
Australia, let’s count ourselves lucky we’re being represented by a style-maven, nay fashion slayer, at this year’s Eurovision. Dami Im is sure to bring her A-Game in the singing department, and we have full faith she’ll choose the perfect outfit to match.
Some countries though aren’t so fortunate. They’re represented by a clown on a bicycle, a man in a monster mask, or a woman sporting, well, very little at all. We take pity on such nations, and wish that Gok Wan, Queer Eye’s Carson Kressley or an equally formidable tastemaker may pay a visit, start a reality TV show and impart sartorial savvy to aspiring singers.
Until then, we issue a warning for members of the public offended by hideous clothes.
1. Laka, Pokušaj – Bosnia and Herzegovina, 2008
Big hair was obviously on fleek in 2008, because here we have Mirella (Elvir Lakovic Laka’s back-up singer) and her teased ’fro scaring the living daylights out of us! She looks like a cross between Helena Bonham Carter and a crazed trainee clown that gets a kick out of scaring harmless children. Oh and the four “brides” in the background make this performance even creepier.
2. Scooch, Flying the Flag (For You) – United Kingdom, 2007
Sexed-up flight attendants? Must we really go there, United Kingdom? We wouldn’t trust this group to pour coffee, let alone keep us safe in the air! The song received a pretty negative reception – “Plane awful!” springs to mind – so perhaps it’s only normal the costumes suit, too.
3. Elnur and Samir, Day After Day – Azerbaijan 2008
Hold up, is that guy pouring BLOOD over a woman’s body? Since when did Eurovision become A GORY HORROR FILM ABOUT A RED-EYED DEVIL WITH BAD HAIR?
4. IVAN, Help You Fly – Belarus, 2016
IVAN (real name Alexander Ivanov) hasn’t even hit the Eurovision stage and already the Belarusian is causing controversy. If you hadn’t already heard the news, 21-year-old Alex wants to perform his track Help You Fly not with a dule of doves or an ostentation of peacocks (which would sort of make sense), but a couple of LIVE WOLVES! And as for the costume, it seems he prefers foregoing one altogether, with a preference for singing in the buff.
5. Eduard Romanyuta, I Want Your Love – Moldova, 2015
Okay, so this is the kind of nightmare when you accidentally step into a strip club… and cannot find the exit!
6. Gipsy.cz, Aven Romale – Czech Republic, 2009 (A Romani hip hop group)
This Romani hip-hop group was fronted by a moustached “super hero”in a red spandex jumpsuit. Gipsy.cz were awarded nul (zero) points. Coincidence? We think not. Guys, say no to spandex in places it doesn’t belong!
7. Donatan & Cleo, We Are Slavs (My Słowianie) – Poland, 2014
Polish hip-hop and, for that matter hip-thrusting, played an important role in Donatan & Cleo’s performance at Eurovision, 2014. However, it was a certain “milkmaid” that attracted the most attention for her, ahem, sensual style of churning butter.
Why, you may ask, did Poland need butter to be part of the song? Well, if you think about it in relation to Buranovskiye Babushki, aka the bread-baking Russian grandmothers of Eurovision, 2012 – who landed second place – perhaps a little dairy-making isn’t that crazy after all. Still, this slice of Eurovision erotica must be noted as a fashion faux pas.
8. Lordi, Hard Rock Hallelujah – Finland, 2006
We couldn’t wind up our list without mentioning the downright frightening victors of Eurovision, 2006 – Finland’s mask-wearing death-metal rockers, Lordi. Looking like they’d stepped out of the underworld (or Middle-Earth) these guys were so shockingly unique they won the hearts and votes of Europe.
What do you think of these creative Eurovision sartorial exploits? They may not be to everyone's taste but we know two lads who'd probably give them a high five!