While the logistics of relocating Europe's biggest broadcasters half way across the world would be a bit of a mind-boggling feat, once they were here, we could certainly show them a good time!
Now that SBS has secured an exclusive option to develop the Eurovision Song Contest concept in Asia, Australia could well play host to the inaugural Asia-Pacific incarnation of Eurovision.
Here are all the reasons why we'd show the whole world a rollicking good Eurovision-time:
Head for Oxford Street, Sydney! There’s no other strip in Australia so well-versed in playing host to Euro-disco music (or ABBA for that matter) and glitter-coated spectacles as Sydney’s hub of gay and lesbian culture that plays host to the world-famous Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras parade!
Following in the footsteps of drag queens yet again, why not head to the desert, Priscilla-style? Use the natural spectacle and wonder of Australia’s great outdoors as a backdrop for the main event. As the movie Priscilla, Queen of the Desert proved, the orange rock compliments feather boas and glitter surprisingly well.
Green Room Presenters
Hello, good thanks! Who better to make the competitors feel at ease as they wait their turn on stage than Australia’s own Effie Stephanides? She’s already got experience with Eurovision after hosting the SBS Australian broadcast one year in the early 00s before Julia and Sam took over. The only issue is, that she may display favouritism towards the Greek competitors!
Meanwhile, social media superstar Nonna Paola, 78, is renowned for her forthright opinions and her thick Calabrian accent. She has even had practice strutting the red carpet, playing Kiis FM’s Logies correspondent for 2015. Gaining a huge global following on Youtube and Facebook where she has nearly 250,000 followers on the page founded by her son Greg, Nonna would no doubt straight-talk the competitors like no other, ahead of their performances. Like Effie though, unbiased coverage may prove an issue as there’s little doubt she’d play favourites with the Italian entrants!
Here she is interviewing Conchita at the red carpet and she doesn’t hold back from asking about the beard – or the tattoo (her pet hate!)
Eurovision host countries often put on their own little half time performance to keep the audience entertained. For Ireland in 1994, their little four-minute halftime show went on to become a multi-million dollar international touring production phenomenon known as Riverdance.
So who should we invite to entertain and get a chance at international superstardom? None other than the Chooky Dancers of course! Who else can so seamlessly combine forty thousand years of dreamtime culture with the (Eurovision-appropriate) techno-beat remix of Zorba the Greek? With their spectacular hip thrusts, and supreme confidence, they really make the perfect Eurovision performers!
Watch them in action below
Without doubt, we’d need running commentary from none other than Roy Slavin and H.G. Nelson. They commentated the royal wedding between Charles and Diana. They saw us through the 2000 Sydney Olympics, and they’d be perfect for Eurovision too. Someone needs to give some of the famous Eurovision dance moves appropriate nicknames – such as the “Battered Sav” or the “Squirrel Grip”.
Depending which city would play host, this visitor’s hub for Eurovision fans attending from around the world could be located somewhere with a pretty spectacular backdrop - the forecourt of the Sydney Opera House? Or in the nation’s capital of Canberra, on the lawn of the iconic Parliament House?
Melbourne’s Federation Square would be perfect as it has already had practice at playing host to Eurovision parties with SBS’s broadcast projected onto big screens for fans.
Of course, Uluru or a Cairns beach would make a pretty spectacular natural setting too!
Eurovision Fan Clubs
It’s no secret that Australia has one of the strongest Eurovision fan-bases in the world – it’s what helped propel Guy Sebastian and Dami to compete as official entrants!
When Australia played host to the 2000 Sydney Olympics, big screens popped up around cities, country towns and at iconic landmarks so fans across the country could cheer on their teams at the global sporting event. With Eurovision viewed by over 180 million people around the globe, it would be a similar landmark event and no doubt Aussies everywhere would want to barrack for their home-teams, or the entrants of our many diverse cultural backgrounds.
Speaking of the Olympics, we’ve got plenty of epic stadium-sized venues left lying around from that major sporting event – not to mention cricket grounds like the WACA in Perth and Melbourne’s MCG that would be the perfect venues to play host to the epic international performance. Why not celebrate Australia’s great outdoors and far more pleasant weather than Europe by inviting the audience to take in the spectacle al fresco?
Many Sydney-siders have fond memories of hosting billets from around the world during the 2000 Olympics. Imagine if you could host a bearded lady or a Norwegian Viking in the comforts of Aussie suburbia? What could be more fun!
There’s no question that Aussies are fond of a drop and there’s no better night to embrace drinking culture than Eurovision Grand Final night!
There are many different variations on the popular Eurovision drinking games but common options include taking a shot every time the host has a costume change, every time someone sings a lyric in English that makes no grammatical sense, and this year especially, every time anyone mentions Australia, skol an entire beer. Check out our Eurovision drinking games for more inspiration.