We all know the best bit of Eurovision isn’t an exhilarating live performance or a beautiful, sweeping postcard of a far-off land – it’s the voting!
By
Peter Taggart

29 Apr 2016 - 5:11 PM  UPDATED 29 Apr 2016 - 5:11 PM

Just like how the highlight of the Summer Olympics is the four hour Opening Ceremony ‘Parade of Nations’, the part of Eurovision we all eagerly anticipate is the totally painless vote count. It’s every bit as riveting as the Brownlow Medal tally or the pitch drop experiment or this film classic.

A change in the way votes are revealed is set to radically transform the Eurovision Song Contest this year – with points from the professional jury of each country and the public vote kept separate, meaning the winner won’t be revealed until the very end of the finale, ensuring a nail-biting conclusion to the live telecast.

With the most pivotal votes to now be read by the show’s hosts, there’s more pressure than ever before for each country’s voting correspondent to use every one of their 30 seconds of fame. So listen up aspiring Eurovision Voting Correspondents - here’s a user’s guide to ensure your big break isn’t a total bust:

Dress For Success

If we’ve learnt anything from the internet’s PUA (Pick Up Artist) community, it’s that ‘peacocking’ – the technique by which you attract attention by wearing a particular item of clothing – is fundamental. Time and time again correspondents have successfully ‘peacocked’ their way into our hearts and minds. Who can forget former Bosnia and Herzegovina Eurovision contestant Elvir Laković Laka, who in the 2009 vote count brought out his signature style, which might be best-described as ‘Bjorn Borg meets Lewis Carroll Garage Sale meets The Great War’. Here he is wearing a tea cup as a hat:

Everything Is An Audition

Eminem in ‘8 Mile’ knew he only had one shot (vomit on his sweater already, Mum’s spaghetti) and so did Finland’s Lasse Mellberg aka rapper ‘Redrama’, who chose to spit some sweet rhymes as an introduction to the Finnish votes in 2014. Sure it was nonsensical and the lyrics didn’t relate to the contest in any way and his rap attire contested of a vest and a buttoned-up polo shirt, but Mellberg didn’t waste the chance to subtly cross-promote his newly-released album to a crowd of millions. Relive the moment below:

Learn From The Master

“Here on this paper are the final points which are going to decide tonight’s winner and I know you’re anxiously awaiting them so here I go...bye” – and with that, Slovenian television presenter Peter Poles walked off set momentarily, leaving behind a mystified crowd on the edge of their seats during the tense 2003 vote count.

Poles could run a master class on uncomfortable and unforgettable Eurovision appearances – the veteran correspondent has a history of baffling ESC gags, from proposing marriage by way of a very romantic t-shirt, to demanding a minute’s silence to mark his home country’s absence in the final.

Be Nigella Lawson

This might be tricky, but a surefire way to attract attention is to be Nigella Lawson. The author and TV chef presented the UK’s votes in 2015 and she and her giant bejewelled brooch were very well-received on social media. She even gave 10 points to first-time entrant Australia. Nigella, you bloody ripper.

 

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