1. We’ll take your ‘Grand Amore’ and raise you amuse-bouche
This year Italy’s riding on the tailor-made coattails of the internationally-renowned “popera” group, Il Volo. Eurovision betting odds have the trio in second place (just ahead of our Guy Sebastian!), so we’re matching the males with devils on horsebacks. O Tama Carey’s take on the classic appetiser sees prunes, almonds and preserved lemon suited and booted in slices of prosciutto. One thing we will concede, those Italians have style.
2. Clearly the proof is in the pudding
This year’s Irish entrant is the antithesis to Eurovision’s glitz, glam and general outrageousness, offering instead a pared back, piano driven number from County Tipperary’s Molly Sterling. Miss Moll might enjoy ‘Playing with Numbers’, but we recommend you stick to the recipe when making Irish autumn pudding. This dessert is ideal for cosy Eurovision viewing parties nestled around the TV.
3. Stuff it, Israel (style)
We’re all for Team Guy, but it’s hard to deny the clichéd catchiness of Israel’s entry. With a Middle Eastern beat and lines like “I’m a golden boy, come here to enjoy”, Nadav Guedj may pose a threat to us Aussies. To practice patriotism and stop yourself singing along, munch on Matkonation’s beef and rice-stuffed capsicums during the performance.
4. Smoke out the competition
Popcorn is an essential at Eurovision viewing parties. Not only is it delicious – here we’ve opted for a honey-mustard bacon variety – it’s also wonderful ammunition when you need to throw something at the screen due to a ridiculous performance or unrighteous score. Be sure to follow our easy recipe instructions, otherwise you might end up with a situation similar to that of Germany’s Ann Sophie: ‘Black smoke’.
5. More spiced plums, less Lith-you-mania
Lithuanians Monika Linkytė and Vaidas Baumila are bringing a hand-clapping, ‘Happy as Larry’ love song to Eurovision this year. The track ‘This time’ will sound absolutely evil if you’re nursing a broken heart. Lick your wounds with Anneka Manning’s spiced red wine plums and cross your fingers the European televoting community are sharing your melancholy “these kids can’t win!” mood.
6. Nothing’s impossible when you’re with Team Guy
It’s the 60th anniversary of our favourite international song contest and oh golly gosh, this year we’re invited! Like an over enthusiastic dog catching a microphone-shaped bone, we packed Guy Sebastian’s bags and sent him halfway around the world to show ‘em what Aussies are made of! Cheer on ‘Tonight Again’ with Anneka Manning’s impossible coconut and passionfruit pie and reflect on the fact that in the world of Eurovision, dreams really do come true!
7. Who’s the baller now, Måns?
Sweden’s Måns Zelmerlöw is the bookie’s favourite at this year’s song contest for his Avicii-style twangy pop tune, ‘Heroes’. If you’re prone to rage blackouts, we recommend yelling “BALLS!” every time a nation awards douze points to Måns, and scoffing these Swedish morsels at the same time.
8. Take that, you goose(berry)!
Seeing as English classics are all the rage, we thought it appropriate to pair Electro Velvet with Victorian sponge featuring cream and gooseberry jam. Singing ‘I’m Still in Love with You’, the UK’s jazzy duo may win a few points from vintage-loving voters. Never fear, this cake from Luke Nguyen’s United Kingdom is an even greater double (layered) threat.
9. Sour cherries taste better than sour grapes, Serbia
Serbia’s bringing their big guns to this year's competition. Yes, we're talking about singer Bojana Stamenov’s lungs. Her booming (and mightily empowering) dance track ‘Beauty Never Lies’ is bound to bring down the house. Just like Bo deserves to make it to finals night, Serbian sour cherry filo pie deserves to feature in your Eurovision party spread.