• Vikings airs Thursday nights on SBS and is streaming at SBS On Demand. (SBS)
Behold the ravages of Ragnarok as evidenced by five seasons of incredibly savage telly.
By
Shane Cubis

5 Dec 2018 - 3:21 PM  UPDATED 7 Dec 2018 - 1:05 PM

We’ve come a long way since the Kattegat Krew first rowed their longboats onto our screens and embedded their ornate axes in our hearts. And while we may have lost some friends along the way – Athelstan, Kwenthrith, Helga – there are enough of that initial band to demonstrate the effect of life as a Viking. In short, it takes its toll.

Floki has been ravaged by time, weather and divine madness

Being a madcap genius certainly takes its toll on a body, especially when you keep pressing that body into service by building huge ships, trying to be a human Loki, and sailing off to start a commune in Iceland. Floki bears all the hallmarks of a life lived to the fullest, from his tattooed scalp to his little beard. This is what you want to look in the mirror and see at the end of your life (ideally when you hit triple digits).

 

Bjorn has become the man to be

Little Bjorn grew up before our very eyes, becoming an intrepid explorer, doughty warrior, able seducer, and loyal Viking to both his mother and the memory of his father. From the start he was an attentive pupil, soaking up all the lessons to be learnt from Ragnar, Lagertha, Floki, Rollo, and everyone else around him. Today… let’s just say he has a lot of feelings.

 

Lagertha is definitely an elf

While her eldest son Bjorn was undergoing the dramatic transformation seen above, Lagertha was… staying exactly the same aside from her blonde hair turning silver like she was living in Melbourne circa 2016-17. It hasn’t been mentioned on-screen, but this is definite evidence of the supernatural lurking in her bloodline. Someone check those ears for points. Aside from that, she’s proved to be a natural-born queen, sword-toting spirit of vengeance, and total hunk magnet.

 

Rollo gets prettier and prettier with each passing year

Apart from the silver-belled warrior queen, Rollo is the only character to have become more beautiful over time. That’s less through genetics and/or elf blood than the regular attentions of what we can only assume is a full-time staff of Gallic hairdressers, perfumiers, and wardrobe assistants. Moving to a Frankish climate definitely agreed with our man, and the contrast with local stinkpups like Ivar couldn’t be more stark.

The Seer is… look, it’s hard to tell

Here’s what the beauty mags won’t tell you – the trick to maintaining an effortless glow over many years is to be irretrievably ugly from the get-go. It also helps to have lots of interesting things to say, so people focus on that rather than your monstrous, borderline supernatural appearance.

 

Ragnar isn’t the man he once was

We first met Ragnar as a fresh-faced iconoclast who wanted to see what was on the other side of a different bit of water for a change. Nowadays he’s spread himself a bit thin, across a broad variety of serpentine droppings. And that right there is the Vikings legacy in a snakeskin.

 

Vikings season five airs Thursday nights from 6 December 2018 at 8:30pm. New episodes will stream weekly at SBS On Demand after broadcast.

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